Reality Roll Call

(by Deb Porter-Jones)

This week’s episode introduces us to the families of the remaining four guys.

New York invites the family members of these guys to the house, and I’m not sure if that was a mistake or not. Our girl New York is not exactly the poster child of the perfect daughter-in-law; not a lot of “home training” there. Remember when she disrespected Tango’s mother last season with the bad language and the disrespectful comments she made about her? Methinks she never learned THAT lesson!

Anyway, Punk’s Mom and sister clearly have no love for New York! They remind me of two crows on an electrical wire. It’s clear that Punk got all the looks in that family. Punk’s Mom questioned his judgment, and appeared to be crying over his decision to try and make New York his woman. She says it was a rash decision on his part.

Both Punk’s Mom and his sister seem to be less than impressed with the idea of his being there for the likes of New York! I think he’s probably one card short of a full deck if he comes from a background like that and longs for a future with New York and Sister Patterson (classy be-otches that they be!!)

Tailor Made’s dad is a classy, quiet man; clearly, the “deep pockets” in the family. He’s quite the charmer and exactly what I expect Tailor Made to be like in about 40 years. He pays Sister Patterson several compliments (smart man). What a smooth guy.

Buddha’s Dad is a very handsome older man. He pulls no punches, and tells New York how beautiful she is. Then he says that all of her smoking takes away from her beauty. New York promptly tells us that she intends to put him in a home.

Entertainer’s parents seem to be the typical Italian family. Mom’s brash and outspoken (love her!) and Dad’s the quiet, muscular man. But they’re both clearly annoyed at their son’s residence in their basement.

New York and Sister Patterson take the families of Entertainer and Punk out to dinner. Entertainer visits the restroom, and while he’s gone the fur flies! His mother makes the mistake of asking Sister Patterson how she likes her son. Sister Patterson then begins to share her feelings of Entertainer. Says that she hopes he goes home.

Entertainer’s mom lets her know, in no uncertain terms, that it’s none of their business what happens with New York and Entertainer. Sister Patterson then begins to berate Entertainer’s mom, but if she thought she didn’t have a worthy opponent, boy, was she wrong! Entertainer’s mom calls her, “low-class trash” and a “transvestite”. She says Sister Patterson has “too much testosterone”. Sister Patterson tells her she has a beaver’s butt on her head. Actually, I like her hair, quite nice for an older lady; much better than the obvious wigs that Sister Patterson fancies. Maybe she’s so hostile because her head is so hot!

Meanwhile, Punk, his mom and sister watch impassively. Punk’s Mom and sister definitely want him outta there, and they want NO PARTS of New York and her twisted Mother! Punk clearly was not raised in a volatile household. His family life must have been rather quiet, sedate, and loving. His presence here is clearly confounding his family. They’re wondering what’s going on in his head; why on earth would he want to be around a woman and her mother who would clearly fit in more comfortable sitting on the right hand of Satan?!

The sparks fly again when New York and Sister Patterson return to the restaurant after leaving to catch a smoke. Sister Patterson begins openly flirting with Entertainer’s dad, saying that he’s so handsome, doesn’t his wife tell him often how handsome he is, yada, yada, yada. A bad idea on her part, because then Entertainer’s mom lays into her again.
(I love that Entertainer’s Mom didn’t back down – Sister Patterson has definitely met her match!) The date ends quietly and awkwardly when both parties agree to stop talking to make it through this date.

POOL DATE

The next day, the dads of Buddha and Tailor Made have a poolside date with Sister Patterson. Sister Patterson, who I think is clearly one of Satan’s minions, causes more sparks to fly with these two, which is interesting, considering Buddha and Tailor Made hate each other.

Sister Patterson tells Buddha’s dad about the fight from a few episodes ago between their two sons, and blows the entire incident out of proportion. She lies and says that Buddha opened Tailor Made’s head, with blood gushing everywhere. Buddha hears his character being totally maligned and confronts Sister Patterson.

New York does not defend Buddha, and actually fusses at him about confronting her! It was like a battle between good and evil. Sister Patterson was obviously the devil, and Buddha represented goodness. You almost feel sorry for Buddha; what an impossible position to be in! Buddha spends the rest of the episode upset with New York because she “threw him under the bus” and opted not to stand up to her mother.

New York then makes dinner herself (Huh? I don’t believe THAT for a second!), in an effort to show the families of these guys that she is more than “hair, makeup and nails”, she has a maternal side, too. (Yeah, right. She could keep MY kids any day – NOT!!).

Anyway, somebody made dinner and they sat down to eat, mostly in silence. Entertainer’s Mom opted to sit as far away from Satan Patterson as she could, which was a good move. Finally, they began to discuss Entertainer’s current living arrangements, in the basement of his parent’s house. Mom stated that she still does his laundry and cleans up after him. Entertainer does his best at damage control, but it’s really too late. Punk’s mom and sister are very quiet and don’t appear to offer any conversation at all. It’s clear that they don’t approve of New York, Satan Patterson or the possible addition of these two to their sedate and loving family.

The show ends with Entertainer, obviously, getting the boot. New York states that she’s going “straight to the top” and can’t have a man who is not up on his game at her side. Namely, a “loser” who still lives in his parents’ basement. We don’t know why Entertainer’s mom didn’t take this last opportunity to rip New Yok a new one; maybe she was just thankful that their baby boy was coming home and away from those skanks!