Reality Roll Call

by Lakiya Emerson

Cat Deeley, who I must note is a giantess, is wearing a hot pink dress that seems to be sprouting, but in a good way. The drama begins with a performance in which Nigel is abducted from the judges’ panel, tied up, and rolled around in an office chair while the dancers, dressed in a garb that’s a Punk version of Thriller, sashay around him. Maybe they all don’t sashay, but a few of them do.

In tonight’s hour-long results show it was revealed that Kourtni and Matt were indeed upstaged by their music, America forgot Rayven and Jamie’s fake hip hop routine, and no one was impressed with Jessica and Will’s tango except the judges. They will have to dance for their lives. But first, producers have decided to feature legendary dancers performing various dance styles. This week was Pop’n Pete, one of the original pop and lockers.

In dancing for your life, each dancer has roughly 15 seconds to remind the judges why they deserve to stay. Kourtni performs first to an acoustic version of I Wanna Dance With Somebody. Chris does some top notch breves, but, he’s boring. Rayven performs on demi-point to Alicia Keys’ As I Am, but her outfit, which looks like she’s wearing a tutu under a dress, makes her look squat, taking away from the lines of her ballet moves. Jamie, who’s wearing the matching shirt to the underwear he revealed to the world the night before, performs to the Black Eyed Peas, and he’s the first dancer to look like he’s actually dancing for his life. Jessica, who was wearing an ankle brace, performs to Misery. She back flips and does a half-hearted side leap. Gavin performs last and is absolutely amazing. He’s powerful, emotive and charismatic, among other things. He leaps; he twists, and pulls at the heart strings—or at least mine. My boyfriend might have to watch out.

The judges leave to deliberate, and in the meantime the Pussycat Dolls come out. As I’ve stated before, Susie could definitely be one of their back-up members. They sing a song that is unintelligible. I’m sure it had something to do with being hot.

The judges return and declare that they are unanimous in their decision that Rayven and Jamie are out, which is too bad as I was hoping to see more of Jamie’s satin underwear and shirt combos.