Reality Roll Call

Last week’s episode—the Brooke Shield’s lazily promotes her new show episode—saw the release of homegirl Kelli and the triumph of GayMormonKeith. I agreed with none of the decisions, and am hoping tonight, maybe, we’ll have better luck

I’m glad that the guys in the apartment are ripping on Keith’s win. Jerell’s design was so much more interesting and sophisticated. But who can think of interesting and sophisticated when this week’s special guest Chris March (season 4) is revealed. Sashaying out in a Viking helmet and a disco ball dress, Chris announces the challenge: design a dress for a drag queen. Then a wonderful procession of drag queens come out onto the runway, representing every possible corner of the subculture. The designers have to design for their clients as Chris and Heidi walk out for pretzels and beer. No, really.

The designers have 30 minutes to consult with their clients. Everyone’s getting along surprisingly well with their clients. Well, everyone but Joe. Because he’s straight and has two kids. That he designs costumes for. In case you forgot.

After the trip to Mood, the designers have to strap on bras to male model forms in order to drape the dresses. Blayne annoys everyone with his ‘licious’ suffix. The drag queens come in for a fitting, and it is terribly weird to see them as, well, dudes. I haven’t met any drag queens when they’re out of character, so I couldn’t speak to how typical a phenomenon this ‘bro’ aspect is, but it took me off guard for sure.

Chris and Tim do the rounds, advising and questioning ech piece. When Blayne presents his 80’s-Miami-colored Ziggy Stardust cape, Tim Gunn finally delivers the line I’ve been laughing at all season: “It looks like it’s a pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park.” It was pointed out last week by my friends that Keith has a rat’s tail, and as he’s showing off his monochromatic swatch dress (yes, another one), it’s all I can stare at. His garment is getting the most tepid response, which makes me think he’s most likely to end up in the bottom 3.

It’s time for the runway judging, and who do we have as the special guest judge? The first decent guest judge we’ve had this season: Rupaul. Let’s start the show

1. Kenley (designing for Farrah Moans): silver sequined gown with thigh high slit and feathered collar

2. Blayne (designing for Miss Understood): pink and blue sparkly minidress with pink wings and streaming ribbons

3. Joe (designing for Varla Jean Merman): Pink sequined sailor suit with pink collar

4. Stella (designing for Luisa Verde) Black dress with tartan front panel and rivet detail

5. Suede (designing for Hedda Lettuce): Green gloves with pale green rosettes, green leafy coat with green minidress

6. Daniel (designing for Annida Greenkard) Flame colored flamenco dress with gathered halter top

7. Terri (designing for Acid Betty): White kimono with blue details and red and black sequined corset

8. Jerell (designing for LeMay): blue and green sequined minidress with dramatic green collar

9. Korto (designing for Sweetie) Red sequined one-shouldered dress with flame curl semi-collar and detachable skirt

10. Keith (designing for Sherry Vine) silver sparkly hot pants with fringe jacket

11. Leanne (designing for Sharon Needles) black coat with dramatic sharp collar, blue metallic skirt

It’s time for the sorting, which is going to be hard this time, as I didn’t see any obvious screw ups on the runway. Keith, Korto, Terri, Daniel, Joe, and Jerell are left. Terri—no surprise there—is praised for her cutting edge kimono. Keith’s dress is compared to a sad molting chicken. Joe is praised, making me want to throw up. I don’t know why he’s still there. Jerell’s dress was ripped on for being “a good bar mitzvah moment”. Korto’s dress is loved, again, no surprise, as her fantastical fire. Daniel’s dress was also considered too normal, and when attacked, he started doing that pouty on-the-verge-of-tears thing which has become a habit for him. I thought he was the hottest guy on the show when the season started, and now I’m completely turned off by his wimpiness.

The final decision comes down: In YET ANOTHER DECISION WHICH MAKES ME SICK, Joe, yes Mothereffin JOE wins over Terri’s amazing and innovative kimono. Daniel loses, and surprisingly does not burst into tears and bites his hand.