America’s Next Top Model Episode 2

The show opens with the girls returning to the America’s Next Top Model house from the judging panel to find Marjorie’s winning photo displayed in the entrance area, where it will hang for a week. This is Tyra’s latest “tradition.” The first Tyra mail of the evening leads the models to a posing training session with Benny Ninja and an Australian model named Bree, who has folded herself inside a box small enough to make me feel claustrophobic.

After Benny and Bree demonstrate proper posing technique, the models take their turn posing inside of a tube of sheer red fabric hanging from the ceiling. The girls try their best to make extreme poses and pretty faces, but many of the results are laughable. Benny tells Sheena that she is lost in translation and Nikeysha that she looks like she has gas. Back at the house, the girls play truth or dare, which leads to Sheena revealing all her hoochiefied capabilities, and Elina kissing Clark. Hannah is put off by all the debauchery and while they are all gathered in the hot tub, she pushes Isis, who was moving too close into her personal space. Silence reigns and the fun and games end.

Later on, Hannah, tries to explain her actions, but puts her foot down her throat instead. She tells Brittany and Sheena that she is a stereotypical white girl—i.e. she doesn’t like rap music and she doesn’t walk into a room loudly, snapping her fingers. Sheena and Brittany blink in surprise, and then tell her she needs to be more careful about how she presents herself: don’t go around a whole bunch of people of color saying those types of stereotypical things, or you might offend someone. Hannah cries.

Meanwhile, Isis injects herself with female hormones in the bathroom. The next day, the girls must practice their newfound abilities by posing with accessories designed by Tarina Tarantino (no relation to Quentin). The challenge winner will receive a handbag full of her pieces. Some of the models struggle; a lot of them copy each other. Someone held the bag by her toes, so everyone afterwards does the same thing including Nikeysha, who continues destroying her chances of becoming an ANTM by telling the judges that she needs to use the bathroom as she walks on the stage. Tarina is not amused. Sheena continues her reign as resident hooch by putting a handbag between her legs, putting one of those appendages behind her head, and then winking at the judges. Again, Tarina is not amused. In the end Elina executes a few amazing, natural poses that win her the challenge.

Back at the house, Sheena and Brittany talk about Hannah’s pronouncement of being a typical white girl with the other “ethnic” girls in the house. Apparently they’ve gotten over their shock and now just find her bizarre, and even—gasp!!—prejudice as Sheena concluded. Hannah talks to the other girls in the house telling them that if Sheena and Brittany had a problem with her statements, they should talk to her. But she was ill-prepared for when they follow her advice. Joclyn asks Hannnah if she can talk to her, and then, in front of everyone, asks her if she is racist. Hannah stutters and then gives the understatement of the year: “I can’t believe they asked me if I was racist. That’s not very nice.” Whether she is referring to being a racist or being asked about being a racist is up for interpretation. She goes and cries in the arms of another model and then later equates the question with gang violence. This girl is no longer endearing, but I can’t point out the fact that Hannah wears her ignorance on her sleeve without mentioning Kacey, who didn’t make it past the first cut. The only way I can describe Kacey is as embarrassingly confused about her identity or lack therof. She told the judges that her nickname was “white girl” (she’s black) because she has a lot of white friends and talks like a white girl. She later said she preferred hanging out with black girls because she relates to them better. This girl gave me a headache and I was exceptionally glad she didn’t make it. Between her and Hannah, there would have been more foolishness than my poor, old 18-inch television could handle. Maybe I can petition Obama and/or Palin to build a bridge to somewhere so these two can get a clue.

Tonight’s photo shoot involves hanging from a ladder that is connected to an air balloon. However, because high winds make it impossible to control the balloon, they decide to hang the ladder from a forklift and Photoshop the balloon in later. Laure Brie and Elina set the bar high and drew sighs of wonder from Mr. Jay. Sheena managed to hold on to the ladder with her butt cheeks. Nikeysha looked like she was in pain. Jocyln brought some fire. Clark was boring as was Hannah though she tried really hard. Everyone else was forgettable. In the judging panel, Tyra manages to look like a squat Japanese superhero in a kimono and black booties—they aren’t a good look for her tree trunks (caveat: I also sport a pair of tree trunks for legs, which is why I don’t wear booties). She should stick to stilettos.

Tyra asks Nikeysha about her eating habits, saying that the girl is too thin. Nikeysha says she eats everything, but the judges all agree she needs to be on a ham and grits diet because they’re going to have to Photoshop the pictures to make her look bigger. Isis’ picture is not so great, and Tyra tells her that she looks like a school girl in her outfit. Ms. J tells Sheena she looks like Victoria’s Secretions as she walks up to be judged. Paulina asks her if her breasts are real, and Sheena says yes, but five minutes later she recants the lie, saying she needed to get it off her chest and that the implants were a foolish decision from when she was young. I can’t help but like this girl, hoochieness and all. In the end, the judges decided that Laura Brie will have her photo displayed in the house for the week, but the always-chattering Nikeysha will be going home. Isis was in the bottom two and as Tyra begins reciting her “you-almost-got-kicked-off” speech, Nikeysha starts babbling about becoming an anesthesiologist and knowing that she talks too much. Tyra told her to be quiet because it was Isis’ moment. Nikeysha manages to get in a few more sentences before Tyra out and out dismisses her from the judging room. So, you all need to tell me what you think about this week’s drama. Who’s wrong, who’s right, and who knew that Clark was bi-curious despite all her protestations in last week’s episode?

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