Did ABC get more than they bargained for with the Fowler/Stephens Swap?
January 31, 2009 by Faith Whitfield
Filed under Reality TV, Wife Swap
Our thanks to guest blogger Elizabeth Prata:
Stephen Fowler will live in Wife Swap infamy as the most boorish and abusive of husbands ever to host a swapped wife. The day after this infamous episode the internet is howling. Why? Let me count the ways.
Liberal, upper crust, environmentally conscious, highly educated, weight appropriate San Franciscans were to swap wives with the Missouri small town ATV riding, paintball playing, overweight Middle Americans in the January 30th episode. The show in and of itself pairs couples that hold diametrically opposing views on just about everything from religion to politics to fish sticks; a recipe for conflict and emotional challenge in any situation. Nothing new there. However, the pairing on January 30th for the first time, added abuse to the mix. And that crossed line has gotten the audience into a stark raving tizzy.
Regular watchers know that most husbands on the show hold dearly to their viewpoints. Occasionally they are bombastic about it, but usually the audience member by the show’s conclusion is treated to a release, in that each pair learned something and all’s well that ends well.
In the case of the Fowler-Long swap, husband Stephen Fowler, a Briton, immediately trumpeted his education and intelligence as a license to demean all others he estimates as below him. “I never answer a question that has been asked of me twice.” And to him, just about everyone is below him. He bragged about his wealth, his degrees, his position in the world, his maid, his trophy children. And that was just the intro.
When Gayla Long arrived she was respectful and eager, at least as far as one could tell from the editing. However almost immediately Mr Fowler called her obese and uneducated, which shortly devolved into just calling her fat and stupid and mercilessly mocked her vocabulary. “Oh, you used the word agenda, that’s a big word for you,” Mr Fowler said at one point in front of his children. In another moment, he pointed to Mrs. Long and said to his children, “This is what happens if you don’t get your education.” Humiliated, Mrs. Long cried in the back yard, yet Mr. Fowler continued his attacks. Worse, he looked like he enjoyed them. The verbal abuse continued throughout the show, but Mrs. Long was restrained and to her credit kept trying to reach him, mostly for his children’s sakes.
When it came time for Mrs. Long to lay down her rules, Mr. Fowler reared up and exhibited even more deliberate cruelty than ever before seen on the five year history of the show. But wait, there’s more.
Mr Fowler stopped the taping. He insisted on a meeting with the producers because he deemed Mrs. Long’s rules unnecessary and as a result refused to go along with them. The show had never seen participant out and out renege on their show obligations, but there you have it. Subsequently, Mr Fowler then ordered his children not to talk with Mrs Long, and to ignore her completely. They would pass her in the hall and never look back as she tried to covnerse with them. Mr Fowler did the same, at one point ordering her out of his room and slamming the door in her face as she was talking. Crushed, she packed and went to a hotel. It must have been a long, lonely night for her.
Mr Fowler’s derision of our military, of small-town America, of those with a different educational path, of overweight people, were all grating in the extreme and were enough in themselves to galvanize an audience to ire. Mr Fowler’s intentionally negative and cruel focus on Mrs Long’s weight is an ultimate irony: Mr Fowler’s own wife is a weight coach for obese people and is associated with Weight Watchers.
There has not been a person so cruel, so pompous, so arrogant, so infuriating on Wife Swap in its five-year history. Still, why the severe outrage?
A moral line has been crossed. A show participant was needlessly and constantly cruel. There was no intervention from show producers. Other show participants have had their displays of temper but there is an enormous difference between being challenged to stretch your worldview and becoming irritated because of it, and what happened on the Fowler-Long episode. Mrs Long was purposely debased, Mr Fowler reneged on his obligations, and yet ABC continued with the pairing. Allowing cruelty for the sake of ratings is unconscionable, and the ABC audience viewing the mess that was last night’s episode is heartbroken and outraged over it.
Elizabeth Prata is a writer living in Georgia. She is the author of “The Quiet Life” blog.
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I have just finished watching the episode that this imbicile stars in. I cannot beleive that the husband of the woman that was being treated this way did not get up and knock him on his ass. I have never been so angry that what I was as I watched this man abuse his children the way he did. He forces them to do things that they clearly do not enjoy. Fancy making your children NOT talk to an adult just so you can prove your point. He knew that if this lady was able to spend quality time with these children then she would be able to show them just how fun it is to be a kid and perhap they would then in turn rebel against him.
I am from Australia but to be 100% honest, I would GLADLY hop on a quantas to come over there to show this man exactly what happens when you treat people the way he does. He education or money would not save him from the beating that I would give him, and I am a female!
As for his wife, well, even though she did not say half of the mean things that he did she is just as bad. This woman has a business that helps over weight people YET she sits there and allows him to put people down that are over weight? She also allows this man to abuse her children? Now, from where I stand this is not the actions of an educated person, it is clearly the actions of someone who may be educated in school but is certainly NOT educated in life skills. They say the french are rude, this person would have to be one of the most rudest people I have EVER seen. I know that voilence does not solve everything but in this case I think the problem would be solved rather quickly with a quick kick to the head.. It just might straighten his YELLOW teeth for him – When I looked at his teeth all I could think was “I can’t beleive it’s not butter” ..
What an idiot! You see kiddies, education does not ALWAYS make you SMART, sometimes it can turn you into a smartass!
Dear Stephen Fowler,
You are an ass. Right now as America’s appointed 15-minute reality star
villain, you are probably congratulating yourself behind closed doors
for saying it “how it is.” You pretend to apologize but I doubt there
is any real self-reflection going on. After all, those criticisms
being directed your way are from the very same people you mocked: fat,
uneducated Americans. Therefore it is easy to brush off their opinion
of you as the inconsequential puerile whinings of the insipid masses.
Being called an elitist is hardly an insult for you.
You see, I know you. You are my father, with a British accent. Let
me tell you who I am and give you my credentials as a person of
consequence. I am from the same upper middle class echelon where you
reside, the San Francisco of the east: New England. I graduated from
Yale University and even made my way into another Ivy league medical
school. I am one of those 10 percent of Americans with a passport and
have even used it with great frequency; I’ve traveled in over 35
countries and although born on American soil spent the majority of my
salad days abroad. I can express my large vernacular with the best of
them. Oh, and as a bonus, I cross my “7’s” and sometimes even spell that color
which black and white become when mixed as “grey.”
Now that I’ve whipped out my penis and shown you its impressive
girth perhaps I’ve caught your attention. So, I repeat, you, Stephen
Fowler, are an ass. You spew vitriol and snark from your
self-appointed ivory tower. You think you are better than the
majority of America because of your degrees and your waist
circumference. I am here to tell you that you are wrong. You are not
better than the people you mock; the fact that you mock them reveals
that you are hiding behind your degrees. In fact, your penis, both literally and figuratively, is tiny. But, in case you are not getting
it yet, let me break it down into a colloquial you might understand:
You are a bully. Being as well read as you are, I am sure you are
familiar with the psychology of bullies. (C’mon, dude, this is pysch
101, every idiot knows this. Duh!). A bully is someone who is cruel
to others, through verbal harassment, physical assault, or other more
subtle methods of coercion in order to hide his/her own inadequacies.
Bullying is often used as a tool to conceal shame or anxiety or to
boost self esteem: by demeaning others, the abuser him/herself feels
empowered.
Now you may not give one iota about my opinion of you, but let me tell
you what you are doing to your children. I predict two general
outcomes. The first, I am sure, you will find quite amenable. In
this scenario, your offspring suck up your hatred like a sponge and
become the next generation of Stephen Fowlers: self-satisfied paragons
of society who look down on their fellow countrymen. The alternative,
however, is less attractive. In this version, your children pull the
wool from their eyes and wake up from their black and white upbringing
to see you as the small man that you are. They might decide to take
an alternative route, one which doesn’t require them to hide behind
hate-mongering. Instead they may courageously confront their own
demons rather than point out the flaws in all who surround them. At
the end of this pathway, they will discover the rainbow of humanity,
in all its variegated hues. But the cost in taking this path may be
steep. As they absorb your sputum but simultaneously reject it, this
incongruity may lead to self-doubt and depression. Without a healthy
forum for rebellion, they may turn to drugs, eating disorders,
self-harm and mutilation…any type of alternative lifestyle that
gives them the outlet they need from your suffocating purview.
How do I know this? Because this was the path I chose to take. I know, I know,
I’m obviously some quack projecting my own father issues onto you. My
analyses are easy enough to reject. Or maybe, just maybe, you will
let the judgment of America sink in, get off your cheeky English
behind and begin the painful, yet ultimately rewarding path towards
self-discovery, compassion, and true enlightenment. That is, if you
have the cajones…
Most sincerely yours,
A friend
I was shocked at his behavior, and in front of his children none the less. Doesn’t seem to be as well educated as he claims. I have never seen anyone bullied to the extent that he went to, it was terrible. The name calling, and tantrums he threw in front of the children, unbelieveable. I think Gayla did a good job of holding back her temper, honestly I don’t think I would have been able to be so calm. I would have let loose! Then again, I would have stooped to his level.
Fowler… you are a disgrace to the British people. You have cut off the hand that feeds you with your nasty snide, demoralizing & degrading remarks.
I am British and my husband is a retired American veteran. You are disgusting and will reap what you have sown. Misery and loneliness is your destination. You dont deserve anything that America offers and I hope that any kindly American who befriended you once, realizes now what a classic piece of scum you are.
The golden rule, Stephen. That is all you need to learn. Kindness and tolerance will save us all, and you were as violent as any terrorist. Be careful what your children see and hear from you, as it will all come around in the end.
I am also from the Bay Area, highly educated, a parent, an organic gardener and in very good physical shape, and I sincerely believe you are part of the biggest problem we face on this planet: Hate. I am so thoroughly disgusted by your performance.
This man is seriously ill. I don’t mean that as an insult, and I’m not qualified as a psychiatrist or psychologist to make such a diagnosis, but his symptoms of mental illness are obvious.
He has Narcissitic Personality Disorder.
The Diagnostic Standard Manual (DSM-IV) lists the symptoms of NPD as follows:
DSM criteria
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is “special” and unique
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement
6. is interpersonally exploitative
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
“To the extent that people are pathologically narcissistic, they can be controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, intolerant of others’ views, unaware of others’ needs and of the effects of their behavior on others, and insistent that others see them as they wish to be seen. They may also demand certain behavior from their children because they see the children as extensions of themselves, and need the children to represent them in the world in ways that meet the parents’ emotional needs”
The behaviour exhibited goes beyond mere boorishness or arrogance. Someone who was sane would realise the consequences of publicly exhibiting such behaviour, in their personal and in particular their business life.
Unfortunately for all concerned – the patient, his wife, and especially his children, there is no effective therapy for NPD, and the cure rate is very low.
I don’t watch wife swap and now I know why. I came across this video on the internet. I think the producers of Wife Swap should make an apology on their program for the disrespect they showed to the American audience that watches them and to the businesses that paid good money to be associated with their program. This was awful; and he walked out on the program why did they keep filming when he walked off the program? It is pitiful that this kind of entertainment is on tv. I don’t watch reality shows, I guess they are not really interested in what I have to say.
Well, there’s not much I can say that hasn’t already been said, however, I feel compelled to add my voice, as well. Despicable! I sincerely hope the company he works for realizes that he’s not the type of employee they want to represent ANYTHING that they make/distribute/endorse/advertise/sell, etc. I think this man needs to leave the country that he berates. Unfortunately for their children, if Renee has any intelligence, herself, she’ll disassociate herself from this horrible excuse for a human being. YOU DID IT TO YOURSELF, Stephen Fowler!!!!!!!!
Throughout the show, he purported four basic characteristics about himself that he assumed made him better than other people and therefore “entitled” to treat them as if they weren’t even human: his high level of intelligence, his high level of education, his income, and his more enlightened world view.
He objected to taking a college exam because it was “designed to humiliate.” What would be so humiliating if he’s so intelligent? If the fact that he’s being made to take it is the thing that’s so humiliating, then he’s just implying that he can continue throwing his “higher intelligence” in Gayla’s face without actually proving it. He bases his higher level of intelligence on a previous GRE score. So we’re just supposed to take his word for it? Does the GRE really show how “intelligent” you are? And how does he equate this supposed GRE score as having an IQ of 158? I don’t think he’s as intelligent as be tries to pass himself off to be, but even if he were, that doesn’t give him the license to lack any sort of human decency that even an idiot can possess.
So he has a higher level of education. I’m not really sure what this is supposed to prove. Obviously, he’s trying to prove something. Having a higher level of education, getting advanced degrees… are these things supposed to make someone a better person? Does it give them an excuse to belittle others? He’s asserts he’s intelligent and highly educated, yet he makes gross generalizations about a large mass of people, verbally abuses a woman ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, insults Americans in general, insults the military… he just insulted everyone with his foul presence on their tv screens. Yeah, that was really a smart move. Way to show your “intelligence”… I’m not really sure how your education benefitted you in the long run, except to give you a “reason” to degrade other people and contribute to your inflated paycheck.
He was like a broken record. He kept saying that he made in a week and much as Gayla makes in a year. And…? Does this mean Bill Gates can go up to Fowler and verbally abuse him too? His line of logic would permit anyone who made more than him have a legitimate reason to berate him. I’ll have to remember that – another valuable Fowlerism: the more money you make, the less of a person you have to be. I can treat you like crap because I make more money than you!
Oh, and I totally loved how he and his ridiculous wife considered themselves citizens of the world and how they wanted to raise their children to be worldly and aware of world affairs etc. etc. What exactly does he know about the “world” ? Just because someone travels to different countries doesn’t mean he is “worldly” and has knowledge about the places he’s visited. How can someone address any world issues without the ability to have some compassion or decency?
What are they teaching their children. Those kids are at such an impressionable age. Their young minds are so malleable. What kind of preposterous filth are these two unfit parents filling them with? I cannot believe Renee said that she can’t spend too much time with her kids because it doesn’t suit her personality and she starts to get grumpy. I’m surprised her uterus was able to house life at all.
I cannot believe such people live so close to me. I just hope Fowler learns his lesson and amends his horribly skewed way of thinking. Ugh.