Premier: Tough Love Boot Camp

Ah, VH1, you’ve done so much to help educate America as to the ways of love. How else would ex-strippers and teenage baby mamas learn to love aging rock stars if not for Rock of Love? How would aging rappers with dubious personal hygiene find love if not for Flavor of Love? And how, of how, would tool-worthy losers learn how to pick up drunk girls with low self-esteem if not for The Pick-Up Artist?

Yes, truly, VH1 has done much for the nation’s population of emotionally bankrupt, lost, deviant barelytwentisomethings. And now, maybe realizing there are only so many ways to humiliate girls in “competitions” before the audience cries sexism, VH1 has decided to give ladies the chance for self improvement by educating them as to what men want. Exit Mystery the Pickup Artist, enter Steve the Tough Love Doctor.

Steve Ward claims to be one of the nation’s most successful matchmakers. I’m going to buy it. You know why? Steve looks like a jerk, he dresses like a New Jersey homosexual (much love, Brian), he talks like a douchebag…yet despite this, I still dig him. Anyone who can be likeable with that many things stacked against him must know something about charisma.

The idea behind Tough Love is to take women who are unsuccessful with men and teach them over the course of 8 weeks how to be successful. The resulting training is a mash up of Pickup Artist tricks and Charm School common sense. In the premier, Steve makes the ladies go on a speed dating session, walk around the pool in front of a group of guys, and attend a party. Afterwards, they’re able to find out the impression they made.

The thing that makes Tough Love so entertaining has almost nothing to do with the women’s ability to learn and grow. We get the same old platitudes we get every time we invite horrible women on TV: “I’m confident with my body,” “You don’t know my situation,” “I’m a slut because my dad never loved me.” Nah, the real treat of Tough Love are the men they get to sit as judge and jury on these poor monomaniacal basket cases. Those, gorgeous, gorgeous men with their amazing hair and beautiful jackets. They give honest assessments of all of the women that manage to reaffirm some stereotypes (re: men are shallow), while at the same time shattering others (re: men aren’t perceptive). These men can size up these women remarkably fast and with remarkable accuracy, which is fascinating for those of us who were told by our mothers and aunts and older, more experienced female friends that men were blinded by looks and easily fooled. Turns out, even beautiful men can have emotional intelligence. Who knew?

Tough Love Boot Camp is surprisingly addictive. It’s refreshingly honest, shockingly tasteful, and lacks sexism entirely. And that’s sexism against men as well as that against women. The show refuses to hold women and men to unrealistic standards, and instead forces the participants to look objectively at the reality of the dating world, while holding themselves to a higher standard. But don’t worry–there are more than enough emotional train wrecks to keep things interesting. Without them, would it even be VH1?

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