I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here Premier

Based on the very popular British reality show, the American version of I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here has washed up on our shores…with all manner of washed up celebrities. But despite all of the egos, silicone, and sweat, the main attraction has to be the sideshow that is Spencer and Heidi Pratt. And if you are made ill by the sight of Spencer Pratt’s “creepy flesh colored beard,” maybe this show isn’t for you.

Hosted by a random former-MTV VJ and some British women with clunky shoes, the tone of I’m a Celebrity is clear right from the very start. The appropriate cast of celebrities should have started with Michael Jackson. Maybe Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. Boy George would have been great in a show like this. As it is, we’re dealing with a slightly lower wattage of star. The red team is made up of Spencer and Heidi Pratt, Janice Dickinson, John Salley, and Patti Blagojevich. The yellow team is composed of Stephen Baldwin, the Frangela duo, Lou Diamond Philips, Sanjaya Malakar, and Torrie Wilson.

It should be clear right now that of all these people, the lowest watt stars are Frangela, the Pratts, and Patti Blagojevich. Now, Patti bless her heart is taking one for the team: her husband, Rod Blagojevich, was set to do this show, but was prevented from leaving the country during his impeachment trial. So in a pinch, wife Patti took over, and showed herself to be a model of normalcy. She has nothing to promote, so she has nothing to put forward but sweetness and maternal warmth. Frangela are a comedic duo of two African American comediennes, and they have been my favorite ever since I saw them on I Love the 80s. Franny and Angela, along with Stephen Baldwin, represent the cornerstone of wit and humor on which the whole shows rest,

Which leaves us with the Pratts. Now no one would know who these two people were if not for US weekly. They’re on a small MTV show no one watches, and they do stupid things every once in a while for publicity. Like go on their honeymoon to Mexico wearing surgical masks on the beach. Or making awesomely bad music videos.

Which makes it so funny when, 30 minutes after they arrive, Spencer Pratt asks the producer to get NBC chairman Ben Silverman on the phone. Complaining that the crowd of pseudo-celebrities was devaluing their fame (“I’m too rich, I’m too famous to be on this show”), they threaten to walk off. But they don’t. And then a few hours later, they threaten to leave again. It didn’t take the other celebrities—or the viewing audience—long to discover that they were doing this to get attention, and quickly ignored them.

In fact, much might be written about Spencer and Heidi’s highly calculated stupidity, all of it as fake as possible. They’re feigned planning, their faux arrogance, their over-the-top displays of Christianity…it’s all done so the Pratts can get as much attention as possible. But knocking a jug out of Frangela’s hands isn’t as interesting as the other relationships: Janice’s pseudo-racist comments (sample: Janice: “John, there’s a big black monkey up here.” John: “What you trying to state?”) John Salley’s absurd claims of veganism, and Sanjaya’s obscene optimism.

I think one of the best things about I’m A Celebrity may be to help America see how ridiculous and ostentatious a vegan lifestyle is. I hope John Salley teaches everyone a lesson when he fails miserably. On the first episode, though, he tries to stay strong, volunteering to be a cook. “I want to know where my food comes from,” was his argument.

During the 2-hour premier, there were many moments of pain. A fight over dry shampoo. Sanjaya doing a fire dance with the Pratts (’cause you know, Native Americans (like me) don’t watch TV), Patti arguing passionately about her innocent husband.

The first challenge is men against women, eating disgusting things a la Survivor or Tila Tequila. All the challenges are made better by a great deal of hilarious commentary from Frangela and Stephen Baldwin. The challenge has no point other than deciding who gets the chicken and fruit, and who gets leftover rice and beans. Later, to decide what team has immunity, the celebrities are placed head down in a tank of bugs.

In general, these challenges are far more delightful than they would normally be on a show like survivor, because most of these celebrities are so genuinely unlikable. We want to see Spencer Pratt shove a stick insect into his mouth. We are dying to see Janice Dickinson and her chicken neck stretched and distorted with age and jungle heat. It simultaneously fills our need to worship celebrities while watching them fail. So really, everybody wins. Especially when Frangela are involved

Similar Posts:

• NBC Announces the Cast of I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!
• Spencer Pratt Says He’s Changing His Name to King Spencer
• Celebrity Apprentice Cast Announced
• Spence and Heidi Quit “I’m a Celebrity…” and This Time They Mean It