Interview With Maci From 16 and Pregnant

MTV’s 16 and Pregnant debuted this week, following the lives of teen mothers from pregnancy through birth. Each of the 6 episodes devotes one hour to a unique mother, showing the consequences, benefits, and drawbacks behind her decision. Reality Roll Call had a chance to speak with Maci, 17, one of the subjects of the show. Maci got pregnant at 16, and MTV started filming her when she was in her third trimester up until her son Bentley was 3 months old. Here’s what Maci had to say about the filming experiencing, and what it’s like to be a teenage mother:

Reality Roll Call: Do you feel that being filmed all the time made you see yourself differently?

Maci: No, not really. Since everyone else was already in my business, I just went along with everything and it wasn’t that weird to have crews following us. They actually became part of the experience.

RRC: Tell me a little bit about your decision to keep the baby.

M: From the very beginning I never considered adoption or abortion. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was like, ok, let’s go. None of the other options were something we even considered.

RRC: What do you feel are the advantages of being a mother at 16?

M: You definitely learn more about life a lot quicker, and I feel like I have more energy to take care of a newborn baby than an older person might. And, you also get your body back really quick.

RRC: Its hard being a teenager anyway, feeling like everyone’s judging you. Do you feel people judge you more because of your decision?

M: Of course they do. I’m kind of known as “that girl with a kid” rather than just being Maci.

RRC: What was your favorite part of doing the show?

M: I loved seeing how a show is put together, and what you have to go through to be on TV. Knowing how everything works and seeing yourself on TV is pretty cool.

RRC: Is there anything that you look back on and say, “Wow, I wish I hadn’t done that on TV,” or anything that you wish you had done just to show another side of yourself?

M: I definitely feel like I stand up for myself more in my relationships than is portrayed on the show. I wish that had come across more clearly when Ryan and I were having issues and I was dealing with his behavior. Otherwise, no- I feel like everything that happened, happened for a reason. Ryan and I both learned a lot from what we went through, and we’ve both grown so much from it. So, I wouldn’t change anything I did or said.

RRC: What does the future hold for you?

M: Right now I’m a stay at home mom for the summer. I’ll go back to school in the fall and continue doing what I need to do. Ryan and I have plans to get married on Oct. 3rd. And, ultimately, I want to write a book about my experience as a teen mom, and I’d also love to open a restaurant.

RRC: What advice do you wish you had received?

M: I think I got all the advice I needed. Both of our mom’s are very supportive, they let me know everything beforehand about what to expect. I was pretty prepared when Bentley came. The best piece of advice I got was to nap when my baby naps.

RRC: I know abstinence education is a big part of the political debate right now. Was it practiced at your school? Do you think it’s realistic?

M: I remember having one class on abstinence when I was a Freshman, it lasted a few days long, but that’s the only time we had it during high school. I don’t really think abstinence is realistic- people are going to do what they’re going to do, when they want to do it. It’s a personal decision. Sometimes abstinence has an impact and sometimes it doesn’t. I was the one who held out on having sex longer than anyone I knew, and I was the one who got pregnant.

RRC: If you could go back, what would you have done differently?

M: I don’t regret anything now, since this is the situation I’m in. Now, knowing what I know and seeing what my life, I wouldn’t do anything differently. What happened to me has made me happier. Even though it’s very hard, this is the best thing for me.

I would say though, that I hope this series reaches other teens and helps them understand what you really go through when you’re a teen mom. Its hard work. For teens who aren’t in this situation, I hope they protect themselves. And, for young girls who are pregnant, I hope that they see my story and understand that there are options for them. It can be done, and you can still find ways to be happy.

I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here Premier

Based on the very popular British reality show, the American version of I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here has washed up on our shores…with all manner of washed up celebrities. But despite all of the egos, silicone, and sweat, the main attraction has to be the sideshow that is Spencer and Heidi Pratt. And if you are made ill by the sight of Spencer Pratt’s “creepy flesh colored beard,” maybe this show isn’t for you.

Hosted by a random former-MTV VJ and some British women with clunky shoes, the tone of I’m a Celebrity is clear right from the very start. The appropriate cast of celebrities should have started with Michael Jackson. Maybe Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. Boy George would have been great in a show like this. As it is, we’re dealing with a slightly lower wattage of star. The red team is made up of Spencer and Heidi Pratt, Janice Dickinson, John Salley, and Patti Blagojevich. The yellow team is composed of Stephen Baldwin, the Frangela duo, Lou Diamond Philips, Sanjaya Malakar, and Torrie Wilson.

It should be clear right now that of all these people, the lowest watt stars are Frangela, the Pratts, and Patti Blagojevich. Now, Patti bless her heart is taking one for the team: her husband, Rod Blagojevich, was set to do this show, but was prevented from leaving the country during his impeachment trial. So in a pinch, wife Patti took over, and showed herself to be a model of normalcy. She has nothing to promote, so she has nothing to put forward but sweetness and maternal warmth. Frangela are a comedic duo of two African American comediennes, and they have been my favorite ever since I saw them on I Love the 80s. Franny and Angela, along with Stephen Baldwin, represent the cornerstone of wit and humor on which the whole shows rest,

Which leaves us with the Pratts. Now no one would know who these two people were if not for US weekly. They’re on a small MTV show no one watches, and they do stupid things every once in a while for publicity. Like go on their honeymoon to Mexico wearing surgical masks on the beach. Or making awesomely bad music videos.

Which makes it so funny when, 30 minutes after they arrive, Spencer Pratt asks the producer to get NBC chairman Ben Silverman on the phone. Complaining that the crowd of pseudo-celebrities was devaluing their fame (“I’m too rich, I’m too famous to be on this show”), they threaten to walk off. But they don’t. And then a few hours later, they threaten to leave again. It didn’t take the other celebrities—or the viewing audience—long to discover that they were doing this to get attention, and quickly ignored them.

In fact, much might be written about Spencer and Heidi’s highly calculated stupidity, all of it as fake as possible. They’re feigned planning, their faux arrogance, their over-the-top displays of Christianity…it’s all done so the Pratts can get as much attention as possible. But knocking a jug out of Frangela’s hands isn’t as interesting as the other relationships: Janice’s pseudo-racist comments (sample: Janice: “John, there’s a big black monkey up here.” John: “What you trying to state?”) John Salley’s absurd claims of veganism, and Sanjaya’s obscene optimism.

I think one of the best things about I’m A Celebrity may be to help America see how ridiculous and ostentatious a vegan lifestyle is. I hope John Salley teaches everyone a lesson when he fails miserably. On the first episode, though, he tries to stay strong, volunteering to be a cook. “I want to know where my food comes from,” was his argument.

During the 2-hour premier, there were many moments of pain. A fight over dry shampoo. Sanjaya doing a fire dance with the Pratts (’cause you know, Native Americans (like me) don’t watch TV), Patti arguing passionately about her innocent husband.

The first challenge is men against women, eating disgusting things a la Survivor or Tila Tequila. All the challenges are made better by a great deal of hilarious commentary from Frangela and Stephen Baldwin. The challenge has no point other than deciding who gets the chicken and fruit, and who gets leftover rice and beans. Later, to decide what team has immunity, the celebrities are placed head down in a tank of bugs.

In general, these challenges are far more delightful than they would normally be on a show like survivor, because most of these celebrities are so genuinely unlikable. We want to see Spencer Pratt shove a stick insect into his mouth. We are dying to see Janice Dickinson and her chicken neck stretched and distorted with age and jungle heat. It simultaneously fills our need to worship celebrities while watching them fail. So really, everybody wins. Especially when Frangela are involved

New York Goes to Work: Premier

New York Goes to Work
Monday 10pm, VH1

I don’t throw out the ‘R’ word often. Growing up I lived with enough kids from enough different cultures to know that when we made fun of our differences, it wasn’t racism: it was ball-busting. Even today, I think people are too quick to label things as sexist, racist, or homophobic when really those things are just stupid or teasing. But watching the premier of New York Goes to Work last night, I have to say…I’m throwing it out there. So let me take a cue from Tracy Morgan on last week’s 30 Rock by playing my yellow Race Card: this show is racist. There, I’ve said it. Let the chips fall where they may.

There is so much about the premise of New York Goes to Work (NYGTW) that is just wrong from the start: New York (originally a Flavor of Love reject) will participate in a humiliating job for a chance to win $10,000. The audience chooses what job she will do by texting their choice. And you can bet that audience is never going to have New York do a job like “regional sales representative.” No, it’s all going to be humiliating work like pig farming or (as in the premier episode) exterminating. Now, if you look at the audience (predominately white) and if you look at the participant (a black woman), it’s pretty obvious where the racist undertones come in: a white audience chooses unpleasant tasks for a black woman to do for their amusement.

As if the format wasn’t uncomfortable enough, VH1 adds all kinds of little excruciating details which set my teeth on edge. New York rolls up to the exterminator office in an Escalade with her hair and makeup immaculately done, her clothing modest and professional, and then proceeds to get…what? Smacked off her high horse? She’s put in her uniform and joins the (all-white) exterminator staff, who have her help clean out beehives, wrangle snakes, and remove a dead animal from under a house. They badger and belittle her to get her to work, frustrated by her frequent running-away. The lesson here? White people know how to get a job done. Isn’t it funny to watch black people try and work?

As if that wasn’t nauseating enough, watching New York work is equally painful. What, there’s something about watching her climb under a house in full hair and makeup that’s supposed to be entertaining to me? Why should I be entertained? Because she was a classy African American women and it’s fun knocking rich African American women down to size?

I’m guessingVH1 is banking on New York’s reactions as being the key entertainment factor. These are usually (but not limited to) screams, hysterics, tears, and prayers. But this is another area where I’m going to call Race Shenanigans. I’m not trying to rip on New York—I like her, I think she is who she is and has a sweet personality. But at the same time I also think she plays up many traits associated with those old-school Southern plantation stereotypes, and I think VH1 exploits that.

NYGTW isn’t far from that tradition. Remember Prissy from Gone with the Wind? The dim house slave who claimed “I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout birthin’ babies, Miss Scarlett” then spent half an hour running around the house screaming? Remember how horrifying it was to see the 1930’s glorify that behavior as being “how black women were”? I can’t help but feel VH1’s decision to air NYGTW in the format they did—specifically designed to elicit hysterics from New York—is similar to Gone with the Wind’s decision to have Prissy play a hysterical mess. “Oh, look at New York and that snake. Those black people, they get so crazy!”

To add insult to injury, the show’s credits and graphics give NYGTW an even seedier feel. Before each commercial break, New York’s three prospective jobs for the following week pop up, and viewers are invited to vote. Each job appears before a swirling candy-colored background next to an avatar of New York as, say, a construction worker or a school teacher. The whole thing is supposed to be playful, but it instead brings unpleasant connotations of late-night solicitations for text message horoscopes or Girls Gone Wild trials.

There’s nothing inherently racist about allowing New York to work for money—hell, even having us vote on it isn’t racist. There’s something about the combination of her reactions, what we’re being asked to laugh at, how she’s being dressed, how the show is shot…the whole thing comes across as a bit bullying. It’s the unstated interaction between New York and the audience: she plays up her fear for the audience’s benefit, the audience humiliates her for their own benefit. So any way you add it up, $10,000 seems like little more than reparations for the half-hour of suffering. If you ask me, it isn’t enough.

Daisy of Love Premier

Daisy of Love
Sunday 9pm VH1

I had the misfortune of growing up in an area where girls had pretty good self-esteem, so the whole mindset of “self-worth-through-sex” is pretty new to me. That’s part of why I loved Rock of Love. Like a visitor at a zoo, I sit on one side of the glass and watch as creatures shriek, beat each other, and mount each other. Bret Michaels’ love interests are about as real to me as a komodo dragon, but twice the fun.

So imagine my thrill when I heard Daisy of Love was coming out. The most avatar-like member of the Rock of Love harem, Daisy de la Hoya emerged all candy floss blonde hair and gloppy eye makeup with some of the most insane cleavage I’ve ever seen. She spoke like a drunk, stumbled like a druggie, and fought like a back-alley cat. So it made sense that the men who would want a relationship with her would equally alien to me as their female Rock of Love counterparts. I looked forward to the education.

It became clear, however, during last night’s premier, that Daisy doesn’t have Bret’s ability to comfortably roost over a harem of hot would-be partners. She is visibly uncomfortable being surrounded by a back of hormonal men, and comes across as more shrinking violet than empowered feminist. In fact, with her opening Pussycat-dolls-esque performance, omnipresent sexy pics, and shrunken clothing, Daisy seems to be wooing the men, rather then the men wooing her.

Which is a shame, because it makes the show a little less fun. We want Daisy to have Bret Michael’s confidence, his circus-like ability to tame the women into jumping through derogatory activities willingly. But her lack of callousness doesn’t hurt the show too much—the guys fight, pass out, prank each other, and engage in enough horrible activities to make the show worthwhile. It’s like a veritable who’s-who of douche bags.

I will say that Daisy’s legitimate wish to find love causes her to do silly things. Her first dismissal is a group of teenage-looking Swedish triplets that look like they were a) starving and b) from a Guns n’ Roses video. I’m sorry, but turning down Swedish triplets is like spitting in God’s face. I also couldn’t believe her decision to keep in Weasel. Remember the cameraman in Wayne’s World? The one that had to count down “5…4…3…2…1” in front of the camera, with a mess of brown hair and a perpetually high look? Well, he’s now reincarnated on Daisy of Love. Not cool,, Daisy, not cool.

Overall though, Daisy of Love is what you want it to be: dirty, sexy, loud, and boozy. And who can ask for more than that?

The Phone: Premiere

The Phone
Tuesdays, 10pm on MTV

The estimable Michael Ian Black once said that David Hasselhoff  “somehow manages to step into piles of turds and turn them into gold. He’s done it for 20 years.” The same can be said of Justin Timberlake: boybands, SNL, Britney Spears…everything he touches turns to gold. So when his newly-produced reality show The Phone debuted on MTV tonight, we as a nation were understandably concerned. Would the old magic be there?

We shouldn’t have worried. The Phone completely delivers. I knew Justin “Dance Biscuit” Timberlake wouldn’t let us down.

A muscled-up version of a Dutch TV show, The Phone combines The Amazing Race and the movie Speed into one glorious high-adrenaline rush. The slick production values, beautiful editing, sweeping shots, and likable cast all melds together to create a show that’s exciting as well as emotionally involving.

The premise is simple: two teams compete for a chance to win $50,000 by engaging in a kind of steroidal Clue. In the premier episode, the operator (the buttery voiced Irish actor Emmett J. Scanlan) calls 2 people, asking them if they want to play a game for $50,000. When they opt in by pressing 1, a car explodes. They are given the charge of finding the bomber before he strikes again. Across town, another team is given the same task, with different evidence to follow.

The hunt begins that involves a ticking clock, high speed chases, and puzzling mind game. The show makes the most of its location (the premier takes place in Seattle), with beautiful use of Rem Koolhaas’ Central Library, the Space Needle, Pikes Place and the wharf. The action is about as much reality as your average Survivor challenge: the contestants know there isn’t an actual bomber, they know the challenges aren’t actually putting them in danger. But the time limits are real, the threat of elimination is real, and the threat of the other team is real. This tension, combined with sharp editing, makes the show legitimately exciting and impossible to turn away from.

Interestingly enough, early reviews of the show have been mixed. Phonesreview.co.uk branded it a “rather irritating MTV reality show,” and The Washington Post went even further, calling The Phone “perfectly awful, perfectly horrid, and perfectly insane.” The criticism, I imagine, stems from the fact that the show is edited to look like a good-old-fashioned Hollywood action movie, when in reality the contestants were coached, cajoled, and consulted every step of the way. But this behind-the-scenes context doesn’t make the action any less enjoyable: as the LA Times pointed out, “(like your above-average Hollywood action film) the momentum carries you through the muddy bits and over the plot holes.”

The producers of The Phone have consciously taken the best aspects of almost all reality shows (The Amazing Race, Survivor, Big Brother, The Mole, Road Rules). The result somehow manages to feel fresh, exciting, and new. And with new plots and new locations in New York and Boston, it seems like the Timberlake magic will keep it that way for some time.

College Life: Premier

College Life
Mondays, 10:30pm on MTV

The University of Wisconsin-Madison has an impressive academic reputation, thanks in no small part to its English department and its honors curriculum. But you would have no idea it was anything more than a house party by watching MTV’s College Life. MTV gave 4 freshman hand-held cameras, and ask them to film their lives. If your freshman year was anything like mine, you would think that would make for a great deal of drama, intrigue, awkward sex, and on-screen crying. All the ingredients of great reality TV, right?

Unfortunately, in order to avoid turning the campus into The City: College Edition, the University denied MTV access to film any of the series in the academic buildings. The result is a claustrophobic series of poorly lit dorm room conversations and riotous frat parties which takes a lot of the drama out of the subject matter.

MTV had an interesting choice with College Life. If they brought in film crews, they would have limited access, and they would run the risk of creating a staged, phony quality, as it is impossible to forget you’re on camera with 4 men following you everywhere. At the same time, if MTV let the students film themselves, they would get much more candid and natural footage, but the students wouldn’t film anything embarrassing or potentially embarrassing. And what is college but a laundry list of things we regret?

MTV gave cameras to Jordan (Jamaican-Canadian introvert), Andrea (conservative Christian), Alex (academic with trust issues), and Kevin (hard partying jock) and allowed them to film themselves. Whenever anything starts getting good (Andrea going over to a guy’s place to make out! Kevin drinks to hard and fails calc!) the students don’t or can’t film it. So what we do get are a lot of myspace-style head shots with the cameras tilted up, and people shouting “whoo hoo!” a lot.

I’m sure the show has material down there somewhere. We can all relate to the insecurity and the drama of starting college, the awkward mistakes and the mishandling of relationships. But why oh why does the show have to be so boring? You feel like you’re being dragged from one messy room to another, never really listening to people talk, never really seeing anything cooler than beerpong. If college life was really like that, it would be astonishing that any of us grew up into functioning adults.

Table For 12: Premier

Table For 12
Monday, 10pm TLC

As the oldest of 5 children, I have a lot of sympathy for big families. I always got the feeling that a certain class of Americans really look down on families with lots of children, as if they’re animals who can’t stop breeding, or fundamentalists who can’t read a birth control packet. In my experience, big families are usually some of the best adjusted families, because the parents have a measure of selflessness and dedication you don’t always see in smaller families.

TLC has, for whatever reason, taken it upon itself to champion the large family.  Table for 12 is the newest of their full-house programming which includes Jon & Kate Plus 8 and 18 Kids and Counting. Table For 12 isn’t necessarily breaking a lot of new ground—essentially, it’s a series of specials chronicling the lives of Eric and Betty Hayes. The premise? This Marlboro, New Jersey cop and his stay-at-home wife have a lot of kids. Two sets of twins (Kevin and Kyle, age 12; Kieran and Meghan, age 10) and one set of sextuplets (Tara, Rachel, Ryan, Connor, EJ, and Rebecca, age 4). One of their youngest has cerebral palsy. Like TLC’s other big families, they share a deep faith (the Hayes’ are Catholic), they are often stressed, and they have tried in-vitro treatments.

In-vitro is a hot button issue in a post-Octomom world, and the Hayes family will probably take their share of criticism for it. After all, they already had 4 kids when they attempted “for just one more girl”—even though the mother had a history of multiple pregnancies. The family subsists largely on community charity and on-line donations, as Eric’s policeman-salary isn’t exactly robust.

Unlike, say John and Kate and their 8, however, The Hayes are enormously grateful for the charity they receive, and they never seem resentful of the time and money they sacrifice to raise such a large family. In last night’s premier, Eric buys Betty a spa day. She is embarrassed to waste money on herself, and so she uses the opportunity to bond with her oldest daughter, letting her daughter take the massage and facial, while she is content simply to get her nails done. She comments as her nails are being polished that she prefers night at home with her family rather than this sort of fluff. You can tell the spa women are annoyed by her dismissive attitude, but it’s an attitude I see a lot in good moms, and it was one of the truest things I’ve seen on TV in a while.

Perhaps that’s why I wasn’t as addicted to Table for 12 as I am to other reality shows. The sheer rational way the Hayes deal with problems, their humble attitude, their genuine love for their family…it seems so real that there isn’t a lot of impetus for me to keep watching. It isn’t like Jon & Kate, where you watch to see a passive-aggressive man fight with his overbearing wife. It isn’t like 18 and Counting… where the sheer size of the family is mind-boggling. No, the Hayes’ seem normal and likable and happy, which make them seem out of place in reality TV. It isn’t crazy enough that you’ll be thankful for your own simple life, nor is it inspiring enough to make you cry, a la Extreme Makeover. It does, however, have the distinction of being the most normal show on TV. And in that sense, maybe it’s good to keep around—like a control group for the escalating levels of crazy you see on other shows.

Taking the Stage: Premier

Taking the Stage
MTV, 10pm

Set in Cincinnati’s School for Creative and Performing Arts, MTV’s Taking the Stage already sets us up for an unglamorous experience. I mean, tell me the last time anything ever happened in Cincinnati? With the exception of an abysmally bad 80s remake of Babes in Toyland (starring a young Keanu Reeves and a younger Drew Barrymore), I can’t. But despite questionable appearances, the CSCPA has produced talent of all kinds: in the form of Sarah Jessica (talent) and Nick Lachey (“talent”), for example. I guess that’s why alumnus, visionary, and stupid-girl-loving all-American-hero Lachey brought us this reality show. To show us talented American teens “on the cusp of greatness.” You know, like a real-live Fame, only without the tears and the unfortunate nudity.

The series has lots of unglamorous moments that separate it from MTV’s other docudramas The Hills and The City. LA Times writer Robert Lloyd is particularly fond of these moments because “it’s important that we see these kids as the real thing and for all their rare drive and talent, they are, indeed, clearly kids and really real.” And despite the flashy production values and rehearsed video diaries, a lot of the footage Taking the Stage presents is the genuine awkwardness, insecurity, and ambition of talented young performers.

In many ways though, it’s this ambition to showcase “real kids” without glamour that the series falls a little flat. MTV is using the standard “scripted reality show” format here, where the kids are asked to talk about certain topics, asked to talk to certain people, asked to show certain dance moves. And maybe do it again, because the sound wasn’t right. Or maybe this time, hold a Fresca can instead of a water. Scripting reality shows is a way of controlling reality to a narcotic degree, and it works on shows like Celebrity Apprentice where you have absolute trainwrecks. But if you’re doing an honest and open documentary about 18-year-old performers in Cincinnati, shouldn’t you just film them, then go through the footage later to present the honest and open story? Should you maybe not stage a totally corny cafeteria dance-off that looks waaaaaaay too High School Musical for comfort? Maybe I’m just old-fashioned like that.

Even though CSCPA is an arts magnet, there’s a disproportionate number of the students featured in Taking the Stage that are dancers, with one lone singer-songwriter holding the mantle of music. Why does MTV even bother having the word “music” in it’s title at all? I think we should change it to Meh Television, because that’s how all of it’s programming feels lately. The network is uninspired, and it isn’t showing anything that anyone talks about anymore. Taking the Stage could have been an opportunity to be relevant, talking about the future of arts in a depression economy. Or it could have been fun, talking about all of the high cattiness and meanness you see senior year and in the arts. Instead, it aims for the high road, and ends squarely in the middle.

Premier: Tough Love Boot Camp

Ah, VH1, you’ve done so much to help educate America as to the ways of love. How else would ex-strippers and teenage baby mamas learn to love aging rock stars if not for Rock of Love? How would aging rappers with dubious personal hygiene find love if not for Flavor of Love? And how, of how, would tool-worthy losers learn how to pick up drunk girls with low self-esteem if not for The Pick-Up Artist?

Yes, truly, VH1 has done much for the nation’s population of emotionally bankrupt, lost, deviant barelytwentisomethings. And now, maybe realizing there are only so many ways to humiliate girls in “competitions” before the audience cries sexism, VH1 has decided to give ladies the chance for self improvement by educating them as to what men want. Exit Mystery the Pickup Artist, enter Steve the Tough Love Doctor.

Steve Ward claims to be one of the nation’s most successful matchmakers. I’m going to buy it. You know why? Steve looks like a jerk, he dresses like a New Jersey homosexual (much love, Brian), he talks like a douchebag…yet despite this, I still dig him. Anyone who can be likeable with that many things stacked against him must know something about charisma.

The idea behind Tough Love is to take women who are unsuccessful with men and teach them over the course of 8 weeks how to be successful. The resulting training is a mash up of Pickup Artist tricks and Charm School common sense. In the premier, Steve makes the ladies go on a speed dating session, walk around the pool in front of a group of guys, and attend a party. Afterwards, they’re able to find out the impression they made.

The thing that makes Tough Love so entertaining has almost nothing to do with the women’s ability to learn and grow. We get the same old platitudes we get every time we invite horrible women on TV: “I’m confident with my body,” “You don’t know my situation,” “I’m a slut because my dad never loved me.” Nah, the real treat of Tough Love are the men they get to sit as judge and jury on these poor monomaniacal basket cases. Those, gorgeous, gorgeous men with their amazing hair and beautiful jackets. They give honest assessments of all of the women that manage to reaffirm some stereotypes (re: men are shallow), while at the same time shattering others (re: men aren’t perceptive). These men can size up these women remarkably fast and with remarkable accuracy, which is fascinating for those of us who were told by our mothers and aunts and older, more experienced female friends that men were blinded by looks and easily fooled. Turns out, even beautiful men can have emotional intelligence. Who knew?

Tough Love Boot Camp is surprisingly addictive. It’s refreshingly honest, shockingly tasteful, and lacks sexism entirely. And that’s sexism against men as well as that against women. The show refuses to hold women and men to unrealistic standards, and instead forces the participants to look objectively at the reality of the dating world, while holding themselves to a higher standard. But don’t worry–there are more than enough emotional train wrecks to keep things interesting. Without them, would it even be VH1?

Chopping Block Premier

Chopping Block
Wednesday 8pm, NBC

There’s something about the American heritage that makes us love to be brow beaten by the British. It’s as if we can’t get away from colonial subjugation—we defer to their judgment, taste, and rules, as much as we try and pretend that such advice is foppish.

Marco Pierre White of NBC’s Chopping Block follows the long tradition of British expert to relocate stateside and show us uncultured Yanks a thing or two. In the vein of Gordon Ramsey or Toby Young, he’s snarky, dramatic, and obsessed with food. He also has an amazing pedigree as the youngest chef ever to win 3 Michelin stars.

Chopping Block borrows pretty heavily from the other two British-influenced foodie shows (Hell’s Kitchen and Top Chef). That borrowing is more than laziness—it can’t be helped. White, who incidentally taught Gordon Ramsey, is the host of the UK version of Hell’s Kitchen. And everything from  White’s reputation as an enfant terrible to his hair to  NBC’s horrible, horrible opening HK-esque montage reinforced this connection. As for Top Chef, well, any cooking program based on elimination is going to draw comparison’s to Top Chef no matter what it does.

The set up of Chopping Block is as follows: 10 couples are competing for a chance to own their own restaurant. Remember Top Chef’s reoccurring segment Restaurant Wars? Chopping Block is a whole series of Restaurant Wars: 2 teams of 5 couples each build a restaurant and a menu in 24 hours, then compete. The losing team fights for a while, and White then votes off one group.

What makes the Chopping Block so delicious is White. Say the name ‘Marco Pierre White’ to yourself. It brings up images of Italian pomp, French pretension, and British everyman. White is all of those things and more: his clothing is all floppy white cuffs and black suit coats with a shock of 19th-century-composer hair. His commentary is languid and lazy, a purring snark he delivers in suspenders from a deep armchair (with much chin stroking and finger pointing for emphasis). And his kitchen manner is brusque, demanding, and sympathetic—as if he cares about food SO MUCH he’s on the point of tears discussing it.

All this seems very harsh, but the truth of the matter is, White is a delight to watch, and the clipping pace of his show is just as addicting as the shows from which it draws inspiration. The contestants aren’t so dumb and talentless as they are on Fox’s Hells Kitchen, nor are they as gossipy and catty as they are on Top Chef. The resulting show feels like—dare I say it?—adult entertainment. You know, entertainment which treats its audience as adults, not like overgrown toddlers. If only the viewer would be invited to judge cooking techniques or managerial skills—then the show would really sing. As it is, it doesn’t involve the audience, nor teach the audience the secrets of the restaurant business. But it’s still a simple, addictive pleasure, and in this day and age, why not enjoy it?

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