Project Runway Episode 12: Natural Instincts

Last week, the designers had to come up with musical genre inspirations. Suede was sent home, and Korto won.

This week was the designers’ final challenge before Bryant Park, so everyone was crackling with tension. I guess this season is sort of an homage to New York or something, because Tim leads Korto, Jerell, Leanne, and Kenley to the New York Botanical Garden. In another egregious display of product placement, we find out this challenge is sponsored by L’Oreal Paris. Collier Strong, consulting makeup artist for L’Oreal Paris, explains the challenge: use the Garden as the source of their inspiration for an evening gown design.

Back in the workroom, they have 30 minutes to choose the inspiration for their evening gown. Purple flowers and leaves were favored by Kenley, Leanne, and Jerell, with Korto as the wild card with pale pink flowers. With a budget of $250 the designers go to Mood. Kenley forgets her fabric, and has to get permission to go back.

With two days to finish this challenge, you would think the pressure would be lessened, but it isn’t. Everyone’s falling apart like high school junior’s during the SATs. Leanne looks like a mess—she’s crying and her hair’s a wreck. Jerell and Korto are tear stained. Only Kenley remains impassive.

The guest judge is Georgina Chapman from Marchesa, a smallish but impeccable evening dress label, so I’m guessing the comments are going to be wicked. Let’s see how the runway goes.

1. Designer: Korto
Inspiration: Orange/yellow flower
Dress: Pink Orange dress with antique lace trim and deep v neck

2. Designer: Leanne
Inspiration: Lavandar
Dress: Purple dress with ruffle doublet-like pleating wrapping around the bodice

3. Designer: Jerell
Inspiration: purple and pink marigold-like flowers
Dress: Purple strapless dress with jeweled bodice detail and multicolored fabric layers

4. Designer: Kenley
Inspiration: Purple leaves
Dress: purple reptile-textured fabric with high neck and petal-like mermaid skirt

The judges were very gentle. Poor Korto took things the hardest—she was seen as being pagenty, and was sobbing. It was devastating to watch. Kenley argues with the judges again—she really hates Heidi, and the eye rolling was called out.

Jerell wins, and no one is out. They will all create collections, and then they will all compete for three spots at fashion week.

Project Runway Episode 8: Why I’m a Card Member

Last week: Poor Keith got sent home for his boring car-materials dress and cried all the way home.

This week, Tim announces the challenge will involve a fashion legend. As they are speculating as to who the guest design judge was going to be, Blayne gives one of his usual gems: “My first thought about a fashion legend is Mary Kate Olson. I want every challenge to be involved with Mary Kate. I want to marry Mary Kate, who doesn’t? Besides Tim Gunn.”

Tim brings them down to the Meatpacking district, where Mastercard spokeswoman and wrap-dress maker Diane VonFurstenberg greets everyone. The challenge is to make a dress inspired by Marlene Dietrich’s Berlin-to-Shanghai spy movie, A Foreign Affair. The designers are allowed to paw through von Furstenberg’s fabric collection in order to get what they need for their garment. The winning designer gets immunity, and his or her designs will be sold as part of von Furstenberg’s collection (but only to Mastercard members. Typical).

There’s a relative lack of drama in the workroom today. Everyone’s doing layering, everyone’s stressed. Not too much cattiness, but I felt that Leanne summed it up best when she looked over at Joe’s pink and sparkly Shanghai surprise and asked “Joe seems overly confident in his design. I don’t know where this confidence is coming from honestly, to me it looks kind of like a cheap costume. I’m kind of surprised Joe’s still here at this stage of the game.”

On to the runway judging!

1) Joe

Pink satin skirt with black above the knee skirt and a black hooded vest

2) Leanne

Purple dress ruffled fishtail and with shrunken light grey wool coat

3) Terri

High waisted brown trousers with black trench coat and silk print shirt

4) Jerrel

Navy pencil skirt, black sweater with bright blue belt and high-necked gold blouse

5) Korto

Black and white slik dress with yellow petticoat and shrunken black puff-sleeve

6) Blayne

Polka-dot jodpers, black minitrench with exaggerated collar, brightly colored ruffled blouse

7) Suede

Floor length green and cream patterned dress with grey vest

Stella

Tan pants, halter blouse with bow detail, caplet

9) Kenley

High-necked belted dress with lace detail and a bright floral pattern

The designers left on the runway are Joe, Leanne, Korto, Suede, Stella, and Kenley. Korto’s dress seemed to be dismissed as altogethe, “nice.” Diana hates the low back of Joe’s garment, which was generally criticized for being messy. Kenley’s dress was considered nice, but too simple; I could tell Heidi was not grooving on Kenley interrupting her, and the fact that all the other judges disagreed with her dismissal of Kenley’s dress. Stella’s tailoring was criticized, and Leanne’s dress was agreed to have “a lot of design” which, as usual, was not enough praise for what it is. Poor Suede seemed to get everything wrong—slit in the back, pattern, and the hearing bone mixed with the geometric pattern.

Leanne won the challenge, which delighted me (yes, I am bias), and Stella went home, even though her dress was not even a fraction as hideous or poorly made as Joe’s was. But she made a speech about how she was too good for the joint, and I respect that.

Project Runway- Episode 4: Ohno for the gold

Last Week: Inspiration challenge: New York City after dark. Kenley won with her Miami-lawn-chair print dress, and Emily was voted off for her Bonfire-of-the-Vanities ruffle.

This week: The designers go on another field trip; this time to the Armory Track and Field Center. On the way there, Blayne complains that he can’t feed his tanorexia addiction on “Project Runway.” I don’t think anyone feels too bad for him. The challenge is to create a look for the opening games ceremony of the 2008 Olympics. Gold medal speed skater Apolo Ohno is the guest judge, which seems as much of an odd choice as last week’s Sandra Bernhard. I’m a bit terrified as to how the contestants are going to present their image of America to the world. I hope somehow guns are involved. The designers are allowed to go through the Armory museum and see old photos and costumes for inspiration before heading off to mood. Surprise, surprise, Stella is going for leather. I’m more into Kenley’s blue plaid myself.

The designers compare secret sports’ pasts as if ashamed, apologizing for being in football or gymnastics. Joe is doing a skort, which I think represents America the best: let’s take something formal (skirt) and cut corners so it looks nice, but really it’s cheap, and a bit lazy. I had a heart attack when Blayne had his Beatles moment, which I’m sure will go down in infamy. Here’s a transcript:

Tim: It’s looking a little Sgt. Pepper to me.

Blayne: I don’t even know what that is.

Tim: Oh, youth! “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band”. The Beatles.

Blayne: Well that’s the era Tim, with the cardigan.

Tim: The Beatles didn’t happen in the Thirties!

Everyone’s being their usual Project Runway drama self: fighting over machines, making fun of people’s laughs, etc. But despite the nonsense, the runway beckons, and soon it’s time for the judges:

1) Korto

White wide-legged pants and white vest with red shoulders

2) Suede

Navy party skirt with red trim, white tank

3) Kelli

Blue A-line skirt with white detail, red and white polka-dotted blouse with front tie

4) Joe

White skort with white jacket, red and blue detail

5) Leanne

White shorts and white button top with dramatic red white and blue collar

6) Daniel

Bluish purple and red trim cocktail dress with red buttons

7) Jerell

Navy pencil skirt with pin stripes, redish blouse with gathered sleeves, polka-dot tie with matching hat

Stella

Black jumpsuit with red, silver, and plue bands on shoulder caps and belt

9) Keith

Striped organza bubble skirt with white shell top and navy-and-red scarf

10) Terri

White tuxedo pants, blue blazer, red, white, and blue tube top

11) Jennifer

Gold and white striped skirt, white blouse, navy cardigan

12) Blayne

White asymmetrical top with red and blue stripes, white pants

13) Kenley

Blue plaid high-waisted pencil skirt with white blouse

My favorite—for the second week in a row—was obviously Leanne. Her garment was the only one that seemed modern to me, that wasn’t some sort of retro-inspired failure. I’m shocked that she’s been snubbed again. If this happens again I’m calling shenanigans.

The 6 left on the runway are the highs, represented in Terri, Joe (WTF?), and Korto; and the lows as shown by Jennifer, Daniel, and Jerell. Daniel was practically in tears when Michael Kors asked if his dress was from “the Republic of Cocktail Land”. Nina called Jennifer’s dress “girly” and “silly,” and Jerell’s dress was clearly a costume, and had absolutely nothing to do with either sports, or with Olympics.

In the end, Korto won (though I preferred Terri’s), and Jennifer was out.

Project Runway Episode 3: InspiratioNYC

Last week on Project Runway:

Natalie Portman and the “green” challenge with organic fabric; Suede ended up winning for his punk ballerina dress, and Wesley was sent home despite his amazing shorts.

This week:

So I totally read that Daniel has hooked up with the now-auffed Wesley, which kind of makes me wish Wesley had lasted longer so I could watch the sexual tension.

The challenge isn’t announced right away; the designers are promised a night out with Tim to “unwind.” And if Top Chef Project Runway has taught me anything, a night out on the town is usually code for “surprise challenge.” It’s raining and everyone is in ponchos, and rather than take them to a park or a club, Tim loads the miserable herd onto a double-decker bus. The challenge is to design a look inspired by New York at night, so Tim plays guide to a sort of Magical Mystery Tour. Only rather than a bus full of joyful Liverpool musicians, everyone on this bus is wet and cold and not all that happy to be there.

The bus makes four stops, and at each stop, a group of designers is dropped off with cameras to document their inspiration. The first drop off is Suede, Daniel, Leanne, and Jennifer at Columbus Circle. The next stop is Time Square, and Blayne, Keith, Stella, and Kenley disembark. Korto, Kelly, and Joe get off at the New York Public Library. Terri, Emily, and Jerell totally score with Greenwich Village. I feel bad for the Library group—there isn’t a whole lot of activity that happens in Bryant Park at night.

Stella’s whining is getting worse. She can’t figure out how the turn on her camera or zoom or review her pictures. This kind of incompetence is exasperating in this day and age. Even my mom can text message; don’t try to act like because you’re over-40 you can’t work a digital camera. Keith confesses that he’s from a Mormon family, which of course doesn’t surprise me. I’m Mormon, and we can totally smell are own: it’s all in the face. Mormons have the most generically Caucasian faces ever. Keith can try butching up with tattoos all he wants—I knew he was part of the tribe.

After a trip to Mood, the designers return to Parsons to begin to sew. I’m kind of excited by the possibilities—flicks of light, a clock face, an old magazine. Stella’s hammering grommets like it’s all-you-can-eat crab night at Red Lobster. I love watching her in the confessionals: her outfits are progressively becoming more leather-daddy, with ever-growing numbers of studs, tassels, and leather accessories. I’m thinking of creating my own drinking game where you take a shot every time Stella says “I’m into letha.’”

The one who seems to be in the most trouble halfway through is Jennifer, who’s dress looks very Florida-retirement-community, and Emily, who looks like she’s created a drag queen costume. Blayne tries to teach a befuddled Tim Gunn what “Holla at cha’ boy” means. Looking skeptical, Tim repeats it in a typically old-codger way: “Holler at your boy?” Everyone shouts out, “No, holl-ah. Hollah. H-O-L-L-A. Holla at cha’ boy.” Watching Tim Gunn try to use it as he leaves (“Make it work, people, holla at your boy”) is like being back in high school and hearing my father use “dawg” for the first time.

Keith’s model dropped out of the competition, so he has to use the model that was eliminated. He starts freaking out because he has to refit the whole dress, but it looks like a shift dress with some fabric bits stuck to it. What’s to refit? I think he just likes creating needless crisis. That’s how you get ulcers, Keith. Not good.

Onto the runway challenge!

1) Keith

Inspiration: Torn up magazine

Dress: White shift with hundreds of pale leaves of fabric fluttering about

2) Blayne

Inspiration: Rainbow flag

Dress: Black, long sleeve dress with a rainbow corsage of fabric knots

3) Joe

Inspiration: Lantern

Dress: Carmel bustier with black banding and a short, black pencil skirt

4) Emily

Inspiration: Flashes of Light

Dress: Black tank dress with a snake-like corsage of hot pink and orange chiffon

5) Leanne

Inspiration: Tree Grate

Dress: A gorgeous grey and black tiered skirt with a black tank

6) Jennifer

Inspiration: clock face

Dress: A billowy purple satin dress with cream accents

7) Jerell

Inspiration: Public fountain

Dress: a multi-tiered pale green gown with olive ruffled train

Kelli

Inspiration: Fire hydrant

Dress: A Japanese goth-punk creation with webbed top, brocade bodice, and dull satin skirt

9) Daniel

Inspiration: Shadow on wet pavement

Dress: Asymmetrical silver party dress with gold accents

10) Kenley

Inspiration: Tiled Wall

Dress: A green and purple printed frock with purple gauze bubble skirt

11) Suede

Inspiration: Light squiggles

Dress: A dove-colored sleeveless shirt dress with gold studs

12) Stella

Inspiration: Horse blinders

Dress: Not a dress, a metallic-pink leather vest with pale brown leather lace up pants.

13) Korto

Inspiration: Spiral masonry

Dress: Black flowing pantsuit with round cloth collar 1

4) Terri Stevens

Inspiration: Graffiti

Dress: A backless blue-print dress with princess sleeves over black pants

So the following designers are asked to stay on stage so the judges can ask them some questions: Keith, Kenley, Emily ,Terri, Jennifer, Leanne. Tonight’s guest judge is Sandra Bernhardt, though heaven knows why, as she has one of the worst senses of fashion I’ve ever seen.

The judges seem divided on Kenley’s “power bitch” dress. They rip on Keith for choosing white fabric, which makes it look like “toilet paper caught in a windstorm.” Terri’s dress, which I thought was grotesque, got some high points for having “attitude.” Emily’s dress was brushed off as being too “cha-cha,” though I found it interesting that Blayne’s dress, which was virtually identical, escaped the chopping block. It plays right into my conspiracy theory that Heidi Klum is out to destroy all the young, hot female designers so she will stay the prettiest woman on camera. Leanne’s immaculate dress was so perfect the judges had few things to add outside of an acknowledgement of its perfection. Jennifer’s dress—of which I had such high hopes—ends up looking old and ugly. Her claims to surrealism weren’t evident anywhere.

The judges deliberate, and give the win to Kenley, even though the dress looks like lawn chair fabric raped her model. I seriously do not get these judges. Emily ended up being voted off for the awkward ruffle, but she took it like a champ.

Project Runway 5 Recap: Episode 2, “Nightmares in Brown Satin”

Last Week: Gristedes challenge: making clothing out of grocery store materials. Jerry got voted off for creating “serial killer chic,” and Kelli won for her coffee-filter-and-vacuum-bag party dress.

This week Project Runway is cashing in on the eco-friendly bandwagon. I swear, if I hear the word “green” one more time I’m going to freak out—every other ad I see on tv is for green products, every Oprah episode is on green lifestyles. I’m over it.

But clearly Heidi Klum et al isn’t over it, so this week they had a challenge where the designers could only use organic, or otherwise “green” fabrics for their designs. The designers get to choose which model they want, only after they choose, the twist is revealed: the models are going to be the clients for a cocktail dress challenge. Not only that, the models get to go out shopping for materials. Crazy! See, it’s crazy because models are stupid.

No, they’re seriously stupid. Well, not exactly stupid, so much as they’re teenage girls, which is really sort of the same thing. They all go to Mood and run towards the organic fabrics aisle. Then, in a situation which I can only describe as “too real,” one girl reaches for a hideous brown satin, so all the girls decide they want the hideous brown fabric, because then they can all be twins.

The designers are all suitably horrified when their models come back with drab, ugly satins and feathers. It’s relatively surprising, actually, as the organic fabrics were inherently no different than the non-organic versions; it’s almost like the models wanted to look like trees or hippies, or something. Poor Wesley’s model was the worst—she brought pale green and satin brown. It’s so sad: I can actually see the wheels in her head spinning as she tries to conceptualize what “green” means. Green like leaves…leaves like a tree….a tree…green and brown. Yes! That’s it!

The designers start sewing only to realize some of their models forgot zippers, some forgot to get enough fabric, and some had no idea that peach and cream satin most def do not go together (I know!). The biggest complainer is Stella, the rocker chick from Queens. Last episode she moaned like she was on her period about how her garbage bag material was “trash,” and then this week she’s freaking out because her model picked a pastel yellow satin, and what is she supposed to do if it isn’t leather? She doesn’t do stuff like this. Her designs are tough.

Favorite line: “The amount of dyes dumped into the ocean is pretty gnarly”—Emily, 27

So, the designers are falling behind way more than usual, in part because satin shows every mistake. Suede (self-described as a “bisexual Sagittarius who always refers to himself in the third person) decides he’s going to cut his satin up to make it look patchwork. Korto is having an insane paranoid moment where she thinks her fish-fin dress is too similar to Wesley’s dress. There’s something about the way Tim Gunn says “Oooooohhhh” when he realizes Korto’s darts are on the outside that is wonderfully awkward.

It’s down to the wire, but everyone finishes on time without too much drama. It turns out the guest judge is Natalie Portman, who is clearly there to support her vegan shoe line. Natalie is so tiny, it looks like she’s only half the size of Heidi Klum. I’ll give Natalie Portman this—when she talks, she doesn’t embarrass me on behalf of my gender, which is more than I can say for almost anyone else on TV.

Most of the dresses are pretty fugly: too short, and poorly sewn. Here’s the rundown:

1. Keith—yellow satin halter bubble monstrosity. She looks like a deranged Belle from “Beauty and the Beast”

1. Terri—navy dress with ruffled bodice. Absolutely beautiful. It wasn’t the most “cocktaily” dress; it was a bit more business-chic, but it deserved a spot in the top 3 for sure

1. Wesley—brown satin minidress. Oh Wesley, why would you put those beautiful ruffles right on a woman’s love handles? Why give it a flouncy bow and then hem it with a lawnmower?

1. Jerell—blue minidress with peacock feathers and keyhole neck. Probably the dress with the most unrealized potential. The neckline was truly unflattering, immodest, and impractical, but the skirt had a wonderful bit of lacework paneling and the feather trim was fun

1. Jennifer—orange and grey draping. Could have been a Rami creation

1. Daniel—black babydoll with cap sleeves. Material was cheap, but the design was spot on, if a bit conservative

1. Joe—Brown satin knee-length dress with diamond cut out. This is so banal, so Jersey prom, I’m embarrassed for him

1. Suede—yellow satin banding with ballerina skirt. Looks completely fun, flirty, yet a bit punk. I have no idea where he pulled this dress out of, but I kind of want it

1. Kenley—yellow satin tube sheath with large ruffled collar. Although I think I remember season 3’s Laura attempting to do the starched collar, I have to say this looks pretty classy

1. Kelli—Blue and yellow dress with yellow ruffled mini-vest. Not the best fit, but a few drafts away from being something very exciting

1. Leanne—Brown satin minidres, this one with loops. Almost awesome, but ended up being busy and cheap. I appreciate her attempt to make something new and modern, however

1. Stella—yellow asymmetrical minidress with lace-up sides. I took one look at this and instantly thought of Tia Carre in “Wayne’s World.” And not in a good way

1. Blayne—hot pink minidress with large collar and black panels. The wide collar makes it awesome for me, even while the black panel makes the dress look a bit early ’90s

1. Emily—White bodice with braiding, navy skirt. I don’t know if this even qualifies as a dress. It’s so short, I feel like “shirt” is more appropriate. Cute and non-threatening

1. Korto—yellow strapless minidress with fins. I feel if Korto had kept her darts an inch or shorter, the dress would have been a hit. Having two huge flapping fins can’t help

So the designers in the bottom 3 end up being Korto, Leanne, and Wesley. They’re all crying, which was terrible to see. Don’t cry kids! Don’t let Michael Kors make you feel bad about yourselves!

The top 3 were: Kenley, Stella (inexplicably!), and Suede. Both Natalie Portman and Heidi both agreed Suede’s was the most fun and flirty, so Suede ended up winning. Leanne and Wesley were in the bottom 2 because, as Nina summed up, “shiny, tight, and short is the quickest way to look cheap.” Eventually, while Leanne’s was considered overworked, it was at least acknowledged she was trying to do something new, so Wesley was sent home.