Reality Roll Call

Finally, after all the days of speculation all over the web, we apparently have the truth. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon were married on Wednesday in the Bahamas. This marriage is as weird as the Lisa Marie/Nick Cage marriage, but far from being as weird as the Lisa Marie/Michael Jackson deal. I anticipate a union lasting as long as Pam Anderson’s last marriage.

Mariah 38, has been spending a lot of time hanging out on American Idol in recent weeks, reminding us all that she still exists, and letting Randy Jackson remind us incessantly that he has worked with her. Nick Cannon, 27, has done tv masterpieces like Wild ‘N Out and Nickelodeon’s The Nick Cannon Show.

Nick, who has been linked romantically in the past to Kim Kardashian, and Christina Milian, proposed publicly to Victoria’s Secret model Selita Eubanks on the Jumbotron at New York’s Time’s Square. They broke up a few months later. Mariah was married to record producer Tommy Mattola from 1993 to 1998.