Reality Roll Call’s WTF of the Day: Tyra Interviews a Woman With Two Vaginas

Last week Tyra Banks interviewed a woman with two vaginas on her self-titled talk show.

My favorite part of this clip, aside from Ty-Ty’s melodramatic introduction, is when Tyra says, “It’s already tough enough having one vagina, and you have two.” What is going on with Tyra’s body that she has been struggling with having a vagina?

FYI: The plural of vagina is actually vaginae. I didn’t write because who in the world says it in normal conversation?

(thanks to Mediaite for the clip)

McKey Wins ANTM

McKey has taken the top slot in Cycle 11 of America’s Next Top Model. Though her celebration was certainly not as memorable as Danielle’s when she won cycle 6, McKey did still manage the Olympian feat of picking Tyra up.  Tyra did her best to make it look fierce. McKey beat out Analeigh and Samantha, neither of whom were able to convey the complete high fashion and commercial package as well as the winner. Where McKey managed to look high fashion in person and on paper, Analeigh was always too sweet looking for high fashion (though she had a fabulous body) and Samantha looked too commercial in person(though she managed to look high fashion on paper).

Their first challenge when the show opened was to do a Covergirl commercial for some new lipgloss.  They had to memorize their lines and at the end, kiss a guy. McKey managed to give the best of a series of mediocre to bad performances. Analiegh’s nerves got the best of her. Where in the last Covergirl commercial challenge, she was easy and breezy, in the final episode she forgot all her lines and Mr. Jay had to feed them to her. Samantha was stiff, and almost looked like a Cindy Mccainbot. It wasn’t pretty. They had to give their best commerial headshot in the Covergirl photoshoot that folllowed. The photographer said Analiegh had a great body, but a not so great face. Mind you, Analeigh is gorgeous, and if she is considered unphotogenic, well. I’ll never take another picture of myself again. Tyra told Samantha that her smile was not modelesque. I guess that meant she doesn’t do commecial well. Everyone loved McKey’s very sweet gamine-like shot and Analiegh was sent home while McKey and Samantha prepared for a walk-off.

Before the fashion show that would determine their fate, the two girls did a photoshoot with Seventeen magazine where the director said this cycle’s winner would be a hard decision to make. Indeed as the girls posed away, and later when they walked the longest runway in ANTM history during the fashion show, it was not clear who would win. Mr. Jay outdid himself in creating this cycle’s confectionary pink runway, which he called his Willie Wonka design. With hills, and steps and winding ways, it reminded me of something out of The Cat In the Hat.

The first hill was so high that the models had to run up it to get to the top. it was interesting to watch. During their turns on the runway, McKey was all cool girl attitude while Samantha was all glamourous grace. It was a battle between dark and light, and in the panel as the judges reviewed the two models’ bodies of work, you could all see them trying to figure out who was better. Based off photos alone it was a tough sell, and for some reason I imagined them doing Paper, Rock, Scissors to determine the winner. But in the end, Samantha, who apparently took a lot of imaginiation to sell in person lost out to McKey’s immediate shining qualities.

Onward to cycle 12.

America’s Next Top Amazing Model Race

If you’re still undecided about the presidential race and chose to exercise your intellectual muscles by watching Barack Obama’s prime-time special, you need not worry about having missed your favorite brain musher America’s Next Top Model. Since I’ve already voted, I watched ANTM for you. Last night, the Tyraettes arrived in Amstardam to be greeted by Holland’s Next Top Model host Daphne Deckers. (Sidebar: It’s amazing how the Top Model series is compelling even when you can’t understand what the judges are saying.)

Deckers tells the girls that they will be placed in groups of two and that the first challenge is to find their house using a variety of clues. The concept is ripped straight from the Amazing Race, but fun nonetheless as the girls take a train, a cab and ask for directions to get to their house. The first couple to arrive will get 50 extra frames during their photo shoot. Samantha is unhappily grouped with Elina, but the thought of 50 extra frames keeps her on task. They are the first to arrive. Meanwhile Marjorie hilariously tries to buy a train ticket with US dollars, and Sheena, thinking she and McKey had won the challenge, does a victory lap only to find out that they are actually the last to arrive.

 

After they get all settled in their gorgeous temporary home, they are whisked off to the red light district, where real live legal prostitutes stand in windows selling their wares. The girls find out that their next challenge is to stand in these same windows selling garments. It’s a political/fashion statement of some local fashion designers. Elina says she respects prostitutes and is excited about the challenge, while Samantha is full of apprehension.

 

The girls are once again coupled off into groups of two: Sheena with Marjorie; Elina with Analeigh; and Samantha with McKey. Elina and Analeigh are first. They’re standing in two seperate windows wearing these huge white confectionery type dresses by the same designer. Elina is at her best and the designer is pleased with her effort, though he does find her a bit too controlled. On the other hand. Analeigh is so busy trying to sepereate her dress from some silver things that are hanging from the ceiling that she practically forgets to pose.

 

Sheena and Marjorie are wearing very edgy dresses and the designer asks them to portray rock and roll type fierceness. Marjorie is amazing as usual, twisting her body into all types of hunchbacked weirdness with matching facial expressions while Sheena manages to just look like a prostitute. Samantha and McKey were the only two models who were actually in one window together. Their designer asked them to portray dolls and Samantha captures the directions wonderfully, looking as porcelain as the doll she is holding. McKey, on the other hand, was just okay, but the two girls managed to win the challenge, because they worked together, and synchronized their posing. What did they win? They’ll be modeling in Amsterdam’s Fashion Week, which is the biggest fashion event in Holland.

Back at the house Elina and Samantha, who had worked so well toghether in the first challenge fall out again over whether prostitution is a respectable profession. I’m sure they can petition Tyra to do a show about it, but I think she already did. McKey later says that Elina is ugly from the inside out.

The girls’ are sent to Amsterdam’s harbor, where the obsessively orange Jay Manuel gives them a quick history lesson abour Amsterdam’s shipping past. He tells them that their next  photo shoot wlll be on a boat where they will be wearing mid-century style clothing with a modern twist. Andy Tan is their photographer.

 

McKey, who goes up first, is intent on getting herself out of the middle. She is wearing all black and experimenting with her poses to find the most compelling one. Mr. Jay notices the difference in her passion.  Elina’ s shoot ran like a Verizon commercial. she was is thinking so hard about how to create the perfect shot, she doesn’t hear Jay giving her direction. So, he repeatedly has to ask her, “Elina, can you hear me?” Analeigh who could never channel her skater training without doing literal poses, finally finds the balance between being a model and a skater. Jay is impressed. Marjorie continues to use her signature hunchback pose to great effect. Samantha is a bit boring, and Sheena, no matter how hard she tries, still cannot jettison her inner hooch. She straddles  a pole and Jay stops the shoot to tell her that she’s not being ladylike.

In the end, McKey’s desire to move out the middle gets her the first photo, Analeigh’s ability to find balance gets her the second photo while Elina’s controlling nature and Sheena’s inability to control her nature land them both in the bottom two. Elina wins on the strength of being able to take better photos.

 

America’s Next Top Model Axis of Evil

This week’s episode of America’s Next Top Model opens with a model war that is falling out on continental lines–it’s the U.S. versus Europe, with all the American models supposedly tired of the whining and complaining of the two European models (Elina and Marjorie).  What are they whining about? Everything. Twitchy, uncomfortable Marjorie can’t understand the concept of optimism, while Elina who hates her mother and wants to ban the use of all animal products, and maybe eventually take over the world, can’t get over her need to control her own every movement, which she says has to do with her European background. In fact the two have a very Pinky and the Brain quality about them–of course minus the joy. Perpetually sunny Samantha and Sheena are the most flumoxed by it all and at one point Sheena asks Elina (who happens to have been in the U.S. for 11 years) why she doesn’t go home if she’s so unhappy. It’s the immigration question of the ages.  In response to a clearly scripted question from producers about her feelings on Elina and Marjorie’s dissatisfaction tour, Joslyn says she doesn’t have time to worry about “immigration issues,” she’s more concerned about being kicked out this week.  And worry, she should.

In their first challenge of the evening, the girls are met with a veritable cast of fashion characters beginning with Ron and Richard Harris, the Aswirl Twins. These two delightful men show the girls how to present and sell a garment. They swirl in skirts, take them off, put them back on,  present a clutch and then surprise us with its chain handle, and make a plain ill-fitting green hat seem almost adorable. Then it’s the girl’s turn. The twins love Sheena, practically laugh at McKey, and seemed pained by Marjorie, who couldn’t even get her garment on. Once everyone has had an opportunity to practice, the colorful James St. Jamesarrives on the seen in a green head to toe bodysuit underneath a gown. He parades around a stage and a tv monitor shows that he appears to be invisible so that all that can be seen is the clothes he is wearing. The girls will be doing the same thing as invisible models for a show of duds by designer Nony Tochterman. The girls must make the clothes the star of the night, but honestly, if I’d had my way, the clothes themselves would have been invisible. They were particularly horrendous. Elena, wearing a short purple dress with one long flowing sleeve walks on the stage and waves her sleeved arm in the air. Joslyn, wearing a long purple dress that is belted at the waist, takes off her belt and shimmies it behind her neck. Sheena who has on a long red dress with tiers of ruffles can’t think of anything to do  but swirl. She looks like she might swirl off stage. Marjorie’s dress, which is long, multicolored with horizontal stripes, falls down to her waist, so on screen she looks like an half-naked invisible lady. She feels humiliated. In the end, Elina wins the challenge and her prize is a spread in the holiday accessories spread  in the December issue of Seventeen Magazine. She picks Marjorie to come along and the two have a great time.

Back at the house, the girls are seething at the fact that Elina won the prize, especialliy since apparently she doesn’t believe in Christmas. When Marjorie and Elina return, Sheena takes Elina to task, basically calling her a hypocrite and saying she didn’t deserve to do the shoot. “How can you sell something you don’t believe in,” Sheena asks. But I guess she forgot that that is the difference between mediocre and exceptional models. She then calls the girls evil.

The next day, Cycle 10 winner Whitney, shows up to tell the girls that they will be doing the now infamous Covergirl commerical. But in this year’s shoot, the girls will be using a teleprompter. Joslyn became sick on set, but still managed to give a half decent performance. Analiegh gave the best performance, looking the most natural, and moving across the set as if she knew exactly what she was doing. Marjorie’s twitchiness made her look like a chicken, which Ms. J hilariously demonstrated during the panel. Sheena  toned down her inner hood girl just a bit and managed to impress the director who said she was the best at moving across the set. Elina was controlled and cold as usual. McKey was as awkward as Marjorie. Samantha was unmemorable.

In the panel, Tyra has the girls walk in a pair of clogs and poor Samantha is the only one who falls, though she does it off stage.Tyra then tells the girls that they need to learn how to walk in clogs becasue they’ll be going to Amsterdam. The girls squeal in delight until Tyra says, “But not all of you will go.” All I could think was gee wizz, Tyra, because even my heart dropped at that one. After the judges deliberate, Analiegh gets the first photo and Sheena gets second runner up while Joslyn and Elina are the last two to be called. In the end, Joslyn’s ability to work through her illness did not win her any extra points and Elina was able to squeak by.

America’s Next Top Model Episode 3: Makeovers

It’s makeover time, and tonight the girls get snipped, weaved, dyed and blow-dried to bring out their best high fashion looks. But before their scissor dates, Tyra meets with the crew to tell them about her own first makeover experience—she had to get a weave and her agency told her she needed to lose 15 pounds to work in high fashion. Tyra’s mother said no, and they ended up remaking her to go for the kind of all-American look that would snag her choice contracts with Victoria’s Secret and the cover of Sports Illustrated. Since Tyra loves a theme, she has all the girls wearing little tiaras, while she wears a large one. Then, Ms. J walks in dressed as the wicked stepmother from Snow White and gives Tyra an apple. It was a sight, and if Disney ever does a Broadway show for the classic, they should definitely call Ms. J. Tyra eats the apple and fake passes out. Then Mr. Jay shows up dressed like an overbronzed Prince Charming, awakes Tyra with a kiss, and reveals that he’s much stronger than he appears when he carries Tyra off. Read more

ANTM CYCLE 11: The Drama Begins

ANTM is beginning to feel like visits from Aunt Flow if you know what I mean: you dread her arrival, the drama drains you dry, you rejoice when she leaves, but then you count the days to her return, fearing what it would mean if she doesn’t. And if you were anticipating the return of ANTM the way I was, you’ll know that this cycle is packing with the help of some well-placed scotch tape. I am referring to Isis, the pre-op transgendered model from my hometown of Prince George’s County, MD. She has brought the show 1/4 of a step closer to my dream cycle of an all-male cast. Though my fantasy involves some Zoolander antics with buff, swimmer’s build guys working on their best Blue Steel and crying because Mr. J cut their Calvin Klein underwear dreams short with a curt “What do you think you’re doing?”

But since that’s not happening soon, not even with Cycle 12, Isis will do. Tonight’s two-hour premiere reminded me of why I love Tyra. She doesn’t just eat ham, she is one. The new crop of would-be models arrive at what appears to be a bunker in Los Angeles (Tyra’s hometown) and they’re greeted by the J’s. Mr. J looks like an orange, frosted ken doll, with his perpetual over-tan and his hair cut longer than usual and dyed silvery gray. I think it’s the same color my grandmother uses on her hair actually.  Ms. Jay, who is wearing a white, bowl-cut wig looks like an extra from Star Trek: The Next Generation. They are both wearing white pants with silver jackets. It’s all just too much, and the girl’s scream like banshees. Inside, the models are minted as ANTM contestents with their first photo shoot. Wearing black body suits they strike their best poses. For the most part, it’s not pretty. Then they all must show the J’s their best catwalk. A really cool computer captures their walks, reduces their bodies to a series of points and then analyzes their gates. But I don’t think it was all that necessary to point out that some of these girls were going to need serious help.

When they all finish, the J’s tell them that the computer was going to use the information to create the best model, which would come out of a large machine that looked like a silver version of the one from The Fly. With some exceedingly cheesy flashes, explosions, and some edited in fireworks, out pops Tyra and I can’t help but bust out laughing when she gives the girls her best robot sounding voice complete with robot moves. It was probably one of the better welcoming ceremonies she’s had for contestants. But the kicker was when she told the girls that she was looking for a girl who was “technologically bankable.” Clearly since she only made $23 million last year, she’s not even half way near her goal of being the next Oprah.

In the first hour, we’re greeted with the bitchy girls, the unconfident girl, the gay girl, the smart dumb girl and Isis. This year’s bitch is Clark. She’s a gorgeous girl who’s in it to win it. Marjorie is the completely unconfident and insecure girl with talent for days. Nikeysha is gay and has flashed Tyra twice.  Elina is an intriguing vegan bisexual who wants to reform the world of its terrible meat-eating habits, but is already waiting for an opportunity to pounce on Clark and turn her out. Clark is not amused by this revelation. Mckey, a cage fighter, may be  the weirdest girl. Sheena is Kimora Lee Simmons’ doppleganger in looks, background and personality. Let’s hope she doesn’t run around yelling fabulosity at everyone, but she’s actually pretty likable. Joslyn tried out for the show 30 times and even though she’s 23, she might have a Lisa-problem, because she looks like she’s 30. Susan, a Harvard graduate who studied English and American literature, embarrasses herself and her school when Tyra asks her to name her favorite English heroines.  The girl draws a blank and then says she didn’t pay attention in class, while Tyra rattles off a string of heroines and books that are a part of the English literary canon. I’m sure liberal arts majors everywhere were cringing. Hannah, who grew up in Alaska without any heat, lights or electricity, might be the most endearing model on the show. Isis, who happened to have participated in a photoshoot in Cycle 10 was the last introduction and blew me away when she wore a royal blue bikini during the introductions. Though they didn’t show her walking away, I must say her tucking abilities are top-notch.

After introductions, the girls go in for the first challenge photoshoot. Wearing metallic catsuits and posing with oversized grey balls, the models had to create interesting shapes with their bodies. The photoshoot lead to five girls being cut and in the second hour the real drama began. Whispiring about Isis reaches fever pitch as the girls get settled into their L.A. digs. She politely comes over and tells them that she was born male. They ask her if she still has “it” and she says yes. They ask her if she will keep “it” and she says no. Then they ask her what she does with “it” and she tells them she uses tape. Reactions range from wow that’s cool and you’re brave, to “I can’t believe we’re competing with a man.” One girl says, “America’s Next Top Model is not going to be a drag queen.” I wonder if she’s been watching this show enough, because if she had, she’d know that Tyra IS a drag queen. Or at least has modeled herself after one. Isis takes it all in stride. Meanwhile models like Clark are threatened by her presence. Clark said Isis would get beat up in her home town if she walked around dressed as a woman. Thankfully, they’re in L.A.

During the commercial break, Tocorra, America’s Big Black Beautiful Model, is featured in a montage that highlighted the fact that she was all up and through Italian Vogue’s Black issue, which I’m so mad that I didn’t buy. It’s now selling on eBay for way too much money. Also, I saw what has to be the best My Life as A Cover Girl ever with Cycle 10 winner, Whitney.

The next day, they have their first challenge, which is to meet personally with all the judges. Ms. Jay had me rolling when he saw McKey. She was wearing a silver, glittery dress that, along with her red hair, made her look like a Christmas ornament. “All I could think was hello reindeer,” he said. Marjoree was a nervous wreck when Nigel Barker asked her who her favorite photographer was. “You?” she asked. Isis made a great impression on Nigel who said that she really had it together, though there was something odd about her. I guess he didn’t know the secret yet. From the challenge, they go to the photoshoot, which involves Tyra’s latest nearest and dearest issue–politics. Each girl must model a particular issue such as environment, immigration, or healthcare. Clark has bureocracy, which she doesn’t know the meaning of. After basically telling everyone she would never help another girl, she asks McKay what it means. McKay tells her point blank, I’m not telling you. I’m liking the weird girl. McKay, who is modeling environment, has no idea how to bring the sexy to the greenery behind her, so Mr. J told her to channel her kickboxing experience. The girl starts boxing the air. It looks ridiculous and Clark laughs, but McKey does come up with a few good pictures. Clark on the other hand stands in front of the red tape on her set and looks confused. All her beauty was for nought since she clearly didn’t understand what to do. Meanwhile Isis blows her set through the roof, despite three of the girls standing behind her telling her she needed to shave and that she was sweating like a man. It was nasty and mean, but made for good TV, especially since Isis didn’t crumble. I’m really liking this girl. Joslyn took an amazing photo, which really makes me think she might be like a Lisa, but maybe without the peeing in a diaper business. Analeigh was boring. Marjorie took a fabulous picture and ended up being called first after the judging. Nikeysha came down with foot-in-mouth syndrome judging panel and dared to talk over the judges while they were critiquing her and as hour two came to a close, one of the girls was lopped off leaving our ANTM cast to include:

Lauren
Sharaun
Nikeysha
McKey
Clark
Isis
Sheena
Elina
Analeigh
Hannah
Joslyn